Sometimes the good things are never mentioned....

In today's daily journal ( free time allowed for her ) from My littleone she mentions:

" yet some days it feels that the only things You notice are the things i do wrong……… there comes a time that i feel that i only do things wrong.. i forget about some of the good things i do do..."

Well I thought I was doing a good job on that score, but I guess I was wrong and I wish to make things clear: Yes, she does things wrong but as submissives go she is a DAMN GOOD ONE, one that any other Dom/Domme would be happy to have her serve under THEM!

So here and now I am stating that I am most PROUD of My littleone, My chattel, My submissive and I will put her up with any other submissive, anytime....

How does one????

How does a Dom not " break " His subbie of her spirit?

Now let Me explain or try to that question a bit and yes Cloud I know I am going to get myself in trouble... When a submissive voices verbally or facially her disapproval of something the Dom has done or said the normal reaction is to punish her, but that will cause her to feel upset, pissed off or other emotions that I can't express properly. Here is an example, the other day I moved some BDSM storage furniture around in the same room, but didn't tell My littleone, although she did know I was moving furniture around, when it came time for her to clean up after W/we had played she gave Me hell for moving the storage box without telling her where I had moved it to... Now to be fair I don't live at the Condo 24/7 but rather on weekends only thus she has to live in the Condo the other times and it may not suit her way of living when I am not with her, but does that really matter?

I have always thought ( rightly or wrongly ) that a Dom's wishes, desires, commands and decisions are basically final and unless there is a safety issue the submissive must accept it quietly and without any facial expression comments.

I am afraid if I punish her for these acts of ( what would one call it, defiance?) she will become silent all the time which is something I don't wish....

Is it getting colder around here??

I arrived at condo last Friday night and was greeted with what are you doing here? why are you here? When did I have to announce My comings and goings?

Then tonight when I ordered littleone downstairs for a session because I had been on the road almost all day and to reward her for going shopping to several large and crowed stores ( she hates shopping ) I was met with it is too cold down there and I should have turned on the heat for an hour before. I wonder if the cold is from the weather outside or the temperature inside.

Maybe I have just slipped back to being GOS ( Good Old Sir ) from the Bastard I should be? Is it that I am never going to get the hang of what a submissive truly wants, needs, can handle? Maybe it is time to turn in My tools of pleasure and fade into the land of old Doms? Maybe it is time to become a true Bastard and just do what I want, when I want and be damned what anyone is thinking, feeling or caring?

Brrrrrrrr..... It's cold inside

Sometimes I just don't understand her.....

This weekend I was forced to take strong measures when My littleone, morningstar, failed to follow a task that was set down for her. She wanted tasks then goes and forgets to do them....

She has written about the punishment in her blog and also showed the results of the punishment, but she couldn't show you how she got there, so I am going to but before I do that I don't understand something that happened during her punishment. She started to cry, not from any physical pain but rather from " failing " her punishment ( those are her words/thoughts ). However she did do her punishment, so why the tears??

Oh well here are some of the pictures I promised you.....

A question has been asked....

My last blog raised a comment/question from SeaRabbit:

"I would like to ask you a question about the 'letting slip the D/s too much'...I noticed in many blogs that it is often the Dom that seems to have that kind of 'problem'... I know in your case, you have been sick and that doesn't help.... but what else could causes that kind of disinterest? "

I am honoured that SeaRabbit has asked Me to discuss this issue, although I am no expert on this subject but from time to time I have lived through it and most likely will go through it more over what time I have left on this earth ( no littleone, I am KNOT leaving yet ).
Of course one of the main reasons is medical and the list is too long to list, but a couple are Depression, ED and Stress just to mention.....

The next reason I have found is when a subbie has been pushing buttons and the Dom has decided to let them go hoping the subbie will get the point but then he says/thinks enough is enough and punishment or retraining is required but this can take awhile....

Another reason the Dom feels that His actions are knot " turning on " His sub so He thinks something is wrong, but is too " male " to find out what she is thinking about this, so He decides why do anything more other than a flogging or two.....

Sometimes He aftering seeing another Dom and sub couple doing things He has wanted to do, but it is a hard limit to Him or to His sub and wonders if it will ever happen or can ever happen.....

A simple answer is, He is just tried of being the Master and needs a break if the D/s is more of a game then a true 24/7 lifestyle.

I am sure there are more reasons SeaRabbit and I would be happy if other Doms would leave Me comments as I feel that D/s is no game but I do realise that it is a very hard thing to live daily.

The most important thing I can say at this point If there is a problem then talk it over with each other until you both are happy SeaRabbit but you have O/our email addresses do drop U/us a line and if you Master wishes to contact Me tell Him He is most welcome....

Things have been discussed....

Tonight was the first night that I have been with littleone and after supper I thought it was time to use one of the new toys I purchased while I was at the weekend camp. I was warned by Master Calvin to take it easy the first time with the white Teflon paddle and he was correct! As you can see by the picture it marked littleone's ass with only a few medium strokes , finally I do think W/we have found the toy W/we have been looking for, THANKS CAL!!

After a sound but short paddling and some tears shed, I make littleone sit up and I told her if she ever had the heart shaped dog tag off again ( with the exception of our trilogy ) it would never go back on again, she got the point. I honestly hope I never see her with it off ever again as I would hate to follow through with My promise....

I also want to thank everyone that thoughtfully commented on My last blog, especially Master Calvin and His slave june I greatly appreciate very much.

Since that great weekend camp littleone has requested that W/we talk about taking O/our BDSM to the next level and I have agreed to sit down to negotiate this over this weekend. I know that the D/s must be on the top of the list, since I feel I have let it slip too much and has to be increased since I have been noticing littleone " steping in " where she should be more respectful ( ie: getting upset when I butt in while she is talking ).

How can a little thing mean so much????

For the past five days My littleone hasn't worn her heart shaped dog tag ( see above ) and it has Me pissed, upset and thinking....

I could and would accept the first day since she was heading out to the Doctor's office but since then she has knot worn it, even when I have pointed out to her it wasn't there... Even though her Doctor is a cool MD, W/we have decided to keep the BDSM side out of the office for now. I must say that I never thought of it ( until now ) but the tag can be turned around and show a blank side, so to the Non BDSM side can be hidden yet at the same time to her it maintains her ownership to Me ....

Now for part of the five days, W/we were away at a BDSM camp out of the country so she couldn't wear it since she left it behind at home. Now I am knot sure if she had worn it to the camp anyone would have noticed it on her or knot, but I noticed it was not on and at a BDSM event too....

I really don't know what to do? To Me this little tag ( btw, the words on it read: morningstar owned by Sir ) says it all, she is Mine until I release her or she dies.... Does this mean My littleone is tired of being collared, owned or just fed up with this old Dom that makes mistakes?? I really don't know as to Me there is NO reason for her not to wear this tag everywhere, as you can see it doesn't really show to the Vanilla world anything but a pink heart and she can tell anyone that asks it was a special meaning gift from her Boyfriend...

How can I punish her if she no longer wants to wear it and announce to the BDSM world that she is proudly owned? or what punishment would be correct if I did decided to punish her for this?

Honestly, I just don't know anymore. I know I don't give her as many sessions as she wants & desires. I know I can't give her the 24/7 D/s she wants.

I just don't know anymore......

Five Years and Counting....

Simply put ever since My littleone has allowed Me to be her Sir, with all the ups and downs that have happened, I wouldn't have miss one moment of her.......

I have learnt so much from My littleone I wouldn't be the Dom I am today, she has shown Me an inside of Me that I never know I had......

It is going to be a real pleasure and honor D/s ing, flogging, roping My littleone for the next five years......

Sir

I was waiting......

Sorry to you return readers of this blog that I haven't posted sooner

I haven't been writing for a couple of reasons, the first was I was waiting for more folks to take up the Chopstick Challenge and the second reason is the time has just gotten away from Me...

Over the past month I have lost a good and dear friend of over 35 years, another dear friend has been moved to a Medical Old Folks home at 93 years and she is having a hard time adjusting and then there is My Mother's medical needs too...

I haven't been the best of Sir's though, I haven't always been there for My littleone when she needs My attention although I have tried to set up a couple of daily tasks for her craving of a 24/7 BDSM life and I have given her a couple good sessions that I will add some pics later to this blog, but I left the camera at the Condo and W/we are off to visit littleone's Brother's vacation cottage so I will only get to post them later next week....

So talk to you soon....

Here are the pics I promised you...

A new challenge.....

Well once again I am throwing out a new challenge to kaya's Master and any other Master wishing to run with this one.... To see how many sets of chopsticks can be placed on a subbies cunt and tits...

My littleone has always love the Chinese and Japanese culture especially the honorable world of the geisha so I thought why knot give her pleasure of a new way to use chopsticks and I do think I have accomplished this task or it would seem from her reaction of smiles, rolling eyse, sub space and moans from her mouth....

I am wondering just how many chopsticks W/we use on this challenge but based on the last challenge of toothpicks the $ store here is going to have to stock up soon....

What am I doing?????

Here I am sitting at My computer thinking why am I here and knot over at the Condo and beating the hell of My littleone's lonely ass.... I know why and I don't like it :-((

Over the past week My mind has been on super drive and it really shouldn't be. I had to rush My 80 year old Mother to the local hospital because she couldn't catch her breath. Since she has a past history of serious heart condition the only wise thing to do was to get her to the hospital, unfortunately in this province the ambulance personnel MUST take a person in serious condition in their minds to the nearest hospital, in this case to the Charles LeMoyne Hospital, and knot to the her hospital that has all her records and in this case her meds.

I hate this hospital for its gross stupidty and lack of talking English!! For years it was know as a hospital that if you went in you never came out, at least that has changed somewhat. It has been 5 days and I haven't heard from any Heart Doctors or nursing staff just what the hell happened to My Mother. The only thing I have found out is this hospital did not give Mom some of her meds since the hospital didn't have them nor did THEY call and ask Me about Micardis medicine, if I had the time and the money I would love to sue them, but that isn't going to get anywhere as it is a government run place and Mr. Charest's government NEVER listens to the people just to themselves...

The worse part of this week is I am away in mind and body from My littleone, oh I think about her every minute but at the same time I need to stay away as My anger and confusion doesn't make Me a good Sir and she deserves only the best Sir and nothing else will do... Over the past couple of days I have just wanted to jump into the car and go and beat her ass and tits until they are so black and blue she will be smiling for weeks after and then just as fast My need for her is gone. littleone one has said all weekend that I need this time away from her and all I can think is SHE needs the time away from Me and just maybe she does, well at least the condo is getting a good workout...

There just has be to a correct answer to keep everyone happy??????? God I thought I knew how to do that, but this week has shown Me if I ever knew it has gone and all I am doing it screwing things up.... That is ok for Me, but not for the others in My world, the ones that really count....

Someone new, something new.....

This should have been posted a couple of days ago, butt I haven't got permission yet to use a picture I shot* and one of the things I have ALWAYS said to any one in this lifestyle that the pictures I shot are yours and YOU decided who sees them. This policy applies especially to submissives/slaves, that is to say I ALWAYS give them the pictures directly and knot to their Dommants until such time as the submissive tells Me it is ok to give their Dommant the photo.

Now that is out of the way W/we have a play session with a " Newbie " couple last week along with something I have never had before, a house boy. That meant that littleone became an " Alpha " subbie butt more about that later I want to talk about the house boy. The house boy really was O/our good friend C/cloud ( I am using / now for Cloud since he has gone back to being a switch ) and I must say to him well done and thank you!!! his service that night was just wonderful even though I know he was dying to be a brat ( something he loves to be when he is a sub ) but I made sure he couldn't be even had littleone email a form of a contract of his duties for the evening including his behavior to his " Liege ". Since the moment littleone came up with the idea of having a house boy I teased C/cloud about it. Mostly by second guessing everything he would come up with from the moment I invited him over. I thought and I was correct he would love what was going to happen, but I also thought he would enjoy it more if he didn't know what was going to happen. Oh he tried to find out things from Me and also littleone all week while W/we talked to each other on MSN Messenger..

Now, as for O/our " Newbie " couple, this couple are two lovely people that a couple of months ago wouldn't have even looked at each other I believe especially in the lifestyle. He was into the scene but as a shy submissive looking for a strong FemDom, but really never found one. On the most part sat on the sidelines and watched and hoped. ( sorry I have to stop for a min while I canned littleone to finish her blog ) Now as life would have it, after months of no luck finding that FemDom He runs into this nice vanilla single parent of the same school that his kids belong to and wham they click, but only in the vanilla way and that was great. Somehow I really don't or can't remember she seem to get more interested in the lifestyle, to the point that he had to change from submissive to Dommant. Well I must tell you that My head was turning circles but with the biggest grin for Him, butt at the same time tears, see the problem is He is too much of a teddy bear and she was getting into the scene by leaps and bounds. I know that feeling that He was going though " How can I hit her, I was brought up knot to hit a lady? " and she was demanding ( My word there ) more and harder treatment. So littleone and I tried to assist each one of them to either move faster or slower depending on who W/we were talking to. Long story short W/we invited them over to an evening of friendly lifestyle discussion and seeing the dungeon and that night was a hit. Well, I got an email from Him a few days ago asking nicely if they could use the dungeon sometime. Now, I must say that I love it when " Newbies " ask to use or learn things especially if it involves the dungeon, since I am a bit of a voyeur and teacher. After seeing what I did see on Friday night** I don't think I will be using the term " Newbie " with this couple ever again, oh yes they need more work on techniques butt they are well on their way to a great BDSM life and I can hardly wait until the next time they are over to the dungeon....

All in all Friday was a great evening. Oh, I was going to tell you are about littleone's first time as an " Alpha " sub, well she didn't like it in her words " ………. anyway.. maybe it worked maybe it didn't.. but i do know in a lot of ways i felt very uncomfortable having him serve …. and be in the shadows… sort of like i was being a bad hostess… " and I think she has told you what her opinion is on this " Alpha " thing is... of course, that doesn't mean it isn't going to happen again.....

* I finally got permission for this picture:



** I was given permission for this one from the couple:

Will that be Chinese??

Well, first let Me tell everyone that things around here are working themselves out and I have to say that everything is going along nicely, so My thanks to everyone that offered their best wishes along to Myself and littleone..

A couple of weeks ago while O/our best friend Cloud or now as he is going to be known around the condo as drakor, aka dave, was over here looking to get some nude pictures taken, I started to " fool " around with a set of chopsticks on littleone, well I opened up another can of worms sort to speak...

Tonight after dropping in for a cup or two of coffee at drakor's I decided to stop off at the local Dollarama store ( for those outside Canada, it is a store that sells all sorts of things for just $1.00/tax no matter what it is ) to purchase a couple of sets of pretty Chinese chopsticks



to use on littleone. Well you should have seen littleone's eyes light up with all the pretty choices that they offered. littleone thought I would only be purchasing one set, but the photographer in Me had other ideas, I ended up purchasing 4 sets to be used in some photo shoots....

littleone has had only one thing on her little subbie mind for the past week, that being willow switches that W/we picked up last week. I wish to publicly thank swan's Master, Raheretic, for all his fine detailed information of willow switches. So, I am hoping and planning of using that information to good use tomorrow once W/we ( drakor, Daemonica and littleone ) return from O/our shopping trip to Il Bolero to purchase an old fashion " HeadMaster's " cane to use on littleone's ass... Well I thought I would take littleone's mind off those switches and use a set of chopsticks on her tonight even though her pussy wasn't shaved yet ( that will be done tomorrow without fail ) and I do apologize to those who can't stand hairy cunts. Here are just some of the pictures I took...
















With so many other pretty chopsticks and with the combination of a mix and match littleone can look forward to many more Chinese chopstick sessions over the next few months....

Doms Are from Mars, subbies Are from Venus*

I have often wondered why God gave U/us emotions, they only get U/us into troubles that W/we truly didn't ask for sometimes..

Over the past weekend ( and longer too ) My subbie, littleone, has been troubled, mostly in My opinion by her own emotions. By thinking that I am up to something, getting another submissive, tired of her, disappointed in her, etc.. and I am going to release her. her mind is playing a mind fuck on her better than I ever could ( pity I am missing all that fun ) and no matter what I say or do she is acting like it is true...

Well, she just might get her wish for I can't take many more emotional outbursts that the one I was dealing with today ( totally moody ), even though I have & gladly wanted to put in a great deal of time, money and emotions in this relationship of Sir/submissive I am getting to the end of the My rope trying to deal with her emotions and how to deal with them.

I know I haven't been able to D/s her the way she wants fully. Maybe I am not the correct Dom for her and I am just fooling Myself that I am. Just maybe I should release her so she can find the correct Dom that will beat her ass every hour of the day and night, a Dom that can support her financially, mentally and most importantly emotionally.

I honestly don't know what to do anymore, I have told her, talked to others in the lifestyle about this and sadly, very sadly I just don't know anymore.....

* Sorry Dr. J. Grey, author of " Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus ", for stealing your title for My title.

So, the cunt is horny huh???

Well first things first, I have just been to see the Doctor for the follow-up appointment for my past surgery and have been a clean bill of health today although the Doctor tells Me that everything should take about 6 months to fully heal, but as it stands now he is very happy with what he saw and touched ( sorry littleone he was first in line ).....

Now as for My littleone's cunt needs, when she gets home from work she will have an email task from Me.... In part this is what she has to do:

Once you have read all your emails you will get your special toy and fuck your cunt until you cum....... then you can get on with things around the house, until the next hour then you will do it this again and EVERY HOUR until you have your bath.... then you will do it again while you are in bed then you can go to sleep.....

Also, except for the one in bed you WILL text message Me every hour with this text message: Sir, i have fucked my horny cunt and i thank you for allowing me to cum.

This should ( although I don't think so ) make her think twice about saying that her Sir doesn't understand her needs, I understand them more than she really knows. I am knot sorry that people think I am a " GOS " ( Good Old Sir ) because that is Me and even when I have to be a GOS I am a Dom too and somehow I am going to have to drill that into littleone's mind or at best her ass!!

On another point, I want to tell a couple of My BDSM friends ( they know who I am talking about ) that have been having relationship problems that they have My support and help if they need to call on Me for it....

Well, that is all I have to say for now with the exception that I can hardly wait to read littleone's next blog post after she finishes her latest task..

" Sir, You just don't get it "

Those are the words My littleone said last weekend and I can't get them out of My head. If she is correct then what is the next step I am going to have to take?

Maybe I am totally wrong in the way I think what having a submissive is?
Maybe I am totally wrong the way I believe My littleone should behave?
Maybe I am totally wrong for wanting things done My way?

I suppose only time is going to tell.......

Back from the hospital

Well it is now 6AM the day after My surgery for that " Male problem, a hydrocele " and all is well so far, I always give it a good 24hrs before I say everything is 100%... My thoat is a bit sore though from the air tube the " sleep " doctor had to place during the operation....

However, I can't say that for My subbie nurse, littleone she was wiped out yesterday and she is STILL in bed a good 30 mins passed her wake up call to get to work. she knew this was going to happen and made sure that work had a stand-in until she got there.

I really want to thank My littleone for all her efforts yesterday, from the moment W/we left for the Montreal General Hospital ( a great bunch of ppl ) to the moment she headed off to bed last night. Sadly to say though she was not treated nicely from the Day Surgery Info staff though and that really got her. I will make it a point to make a note of that on the check out comment card...

For those that are interested and for those that aren't, since this is My blog, here are a before and after picture of My problem. For any fella out there it looks worse that it is. However if I had to do it again I wouldn't have waited so long to go and have it done it was almost a year by the time this was done.

What I really wrote this blog for was to THANK My nurse littleone that has now just got up ( 6:45am) and is on her way to a functioning day after the morning coffee and cig..

A Rock and a hard place

I don't know why I am really writing this blog as I am dam sure it is going to cause trouble down the line, but this seems to be the week for that.....

Certainly I am sure, other Doms have gone though the same, if knot, the exact thing I am going through and that is the Vanilla world is butting into the BDSM world and it is making them guilty that they aren't there for their submissive.

This week My littleone is on " Spring Break " from work, something she always looks forward to in a BIG way since it falls almost at the end of Canadian Income Tax time and this year was worse since the fools in the " head office " decided to screw up the computer system in a big way. littleone, always takes getting things correctly done personally so the tension around the condo has been a nightmare. Every time I put out one fire for her another one would start. Now that her troubles are behind her she was thinking/hoping/wishing that I could/would/should beat the hell out of her, tie her up into knots for hours, D/s her every minute of the week, WELL it didn't happen and even if she wouldn't say it/hasen't said it.... she is upset and I don't blame her!!

As the week has progressed My D/s side has been pushed to the limit since My vanilla side has made Me be strong and full of decisions that should have been made by others but haven't. What this has caused Me to feel so dam guilty I am about ready to jump off the nearest bridge and the only reason I haven't is there are 3 to choose from and I am fed up of making decisions.... or just maybe go and hibernate under the nearest rock....

I am feeling caught between a rock and a hard place.....

So fellow Dom's here is the question:

What do I do to make sure My littleone isn't upset and still maintain My sanity?

Proud, and happy about it...

Well, there is something that is LONG overdue in saying......

I am proud of

morningstar, My littleone...

Although I have always thought that in My mind and in My heart, I really don't say it enough or correctly to her or to the BDSM world out there..

Over the past 5 years almost, she has made Me proud that she has choosen Me to be her Sir.

1. she has made Me proud that she has put up with My demands....
2. she has made Me proud of the way she has taken the whipings/floggings that I have given her even when they have gone to far or knot the correct way they should have been given...
3. she has made Me proud of the way she has conducted herself when I have invited guests over to the Condo or given a party....
4. she has made Me proud the way she organizes the Sunday Monthly Munches.....
5. she has made Me proud of the way she had dealt with her job and the stupid way they run things....
6. she had made Me proud of the way she deals with My vanilla world friends.....

I am sure that I have missed a lot more things that My littleone makes Me proud of her....

There is something else, she will always make Me proud even if she screws up on something.....

My littleone is ill....

My littleone has been sick with a flu that is a kicker and that has Me sad for a couple of reasons.

The first reason is very clear she is sick.... and littleone it isn't your fault so don't get upset about knot being there to serve Me is this weekend....

The second reason and the one that really gets Me, I can't do anything for her as she really hates anyone being around her when she is sick. In the past I have just told her tough luck, I am Sir and I will be around you, care for you but this time I know the best thing to do is let My littleone rest on her own....

The third reason, it has been almost 5 years since I can call the weekend Mine and there was nothing planned, no one to play with or be with to see things happening ( i.e. CLoud training his lastest subbie karis) or going to a Fetish Fair. Well, I have spent sometime getting old things ready for the recycling bin, something I have been wanting/needing to do for a long, long time although I still have a long way to go but it is a start but where are those folks from TLC's " Clean Sweep " when you need them?...

Well, I think I am going to jump into the car to go and get a Tim Horton's coffee to drown My saddness and to think up new ways to play with My littleone when she is feeling up to it again, so look outlook My littleone.....

Get well soon My littleone and I will bring you a Tim Horton's French Vanilla coffee....