Maybe it is time ????

Maybe it is time to say goodbye to My 40+ years of the BDSM lifestyle???

Over the past week ( and even longer butt off and on ) I have been seriously thinking My time living the BDSM lifestyle is should cum to an end.

Life around here in Kingston and the surrounding cities & BDSM people ( not everyone butt most ) have become very unfriendly ( if knot, downright silent ) towards Me.  The lack of playing or having found a long term or short term players is getting Me down for I can't/won't believe it is ALL My fault or the leaving morningstar caused this either, even if certain people wished me the worse things..

I thought maybe if I moved to a new city/area that might help, but sadly the cost of moving here was greater than I thought it ever would/could and my finances have taken a beaten ( knot a pleasant one, should have not paid morningstar what I did instead of waiting to pay her when the house was sold, like we had agreed on, guess that will pay me for being kind, NEVER AGAIN  ).

So, honestly I really don't know what to do.  I would love to get back to the BDSM world I once loved and miss butt that would pushing Myself of a community that seems doesn't want Me in any way shape of form, if they did they would have touched base with Me something that really hasn't been done since morningstar and I parted ways last year..  I don't feel like having to drive a minimum of 1 hour to get to places that I am welcomed...

 I really don't know......   

Yes, I am back.....

I have been too quite for almost the past year mentally and more so for the written word and it has played heavily on my mind ( some folks would say sick mind ) very badly...

My last blog here, I said that I had hurt someone I had loved very badly and that hasn't changed but at the same time SHE hurt me badly since along with MOST of the Kingston area BDSM Community..

I am knot going into the fact that SHE is going things SHE would never do with Me over the almost 15 years W/we were together and believe it or knot that is FINE with Me, SHE is finding her way and I have now accepted her new ways and the fact W/we haven't talked for almost a year ( which is ok because right now I still have a HATE/love relationship towards in My mind ) and others in the BDSM community.

Even though I have/am saving tons of money knot attending the old munches W/we attended since arriving in Kingston I do miss them.  Oh, I have been attending other munches but it just isn't the same, even though I do adore the people at those munches. I stopped attending the Kingston area munches out of respect for the hosts/hostess as most of the people attending them were clearly against Me and I wasn't going to attend places that people hated Me, because back then ( and maybe still to a point ) I would have loudly and strongly told them where to go and that just isn't fair to the host/hostess...

Over the almost past year, basically there hasn't been anyone from these munches that have just dropped me a line to say " how are you doing and when are you coming back " so I have to figure out they don't want Me back at their munches or life's and even though I don't like that I am getting to learn to accept their hatred for Me..

So, that is where I am at right now ( well I do have other things pressing on my mind ) I think I will sign off right now and maybe later I might or surely I will talk more...

Silence....

I wrote a blog the other day http://sirwt.blogspot.ca/2013/03/when-is-it-time-to-call-it-quits.html on a question that had been running around in My head for awhile, well to say the least it did more that I ever thought it would...

I hurt a person I care for a lot and I should have known it would have, since most if knot ALL My blogs cause troubles...

You would think I would know to keep My mouth shut over My 60+ years but I haven't and it now is coming back to kick Me in My ass in so many ways!!

Well, I think since My words have hurt folks and caused pain ( and knot the type wanted ) I am going to now stop it and go silent with My thoughts.... 

When is it time to call it quits???

Over the past few days I have been thinking ( yes, I know a bad thing to do ) about " When does a Dom-Domme/Master-Mistress/Sir-Lady decides to stop being a Dom/Master? " and go back to just being a vanilla person type again, fads away or starts teaching the new generation of BDSM'ers?

When does He/She knows when His/Her body ( ie: health reasons ) gives up, when His/Her frame of mind changes, when He/She has lost the respect and total control of His/Her submissive/slave, when He/She longer can satisfy His/Her submissive/slave or something else that I have forgotten to mention?

If He/She does decide how to leave as a Dom-Domme/Master-Mistress/Sir-Lady with a lot of fanfare, just leave via the backdoor or front door, or just drop of sight & mind never to be heard from again?

What are Y/your views, thoughts about this?

Sorry....

Well I just tried to use a new flogger that was given to Me at O/our New Year's BDSM Open house and I pooped out..

Hell even morningstar, which is recuperating from a medical test last longer....

Maybe it is time to hang up My Dom title and privileges???

Sorry morningstar :-((

Sir

Nothing else needs to be said

Heart Broken

Last week I was jumping up and down when I ordered my personalized license plates for the car ( see My blog Oct 10th blog ) even though My first choice wasn't available My second choice was just as good.  I should have known I something was going happen just like everything else.

Well here is the answer.....

Oh, they took My money right away, butt it will take 2 weeks before I get My refund, what a governmental rip off!!!

So now I am going to try this one, sure can't see them saying no this time.

What do you think....

I now live in a province that allows personal license plates something I have always wanted but Quebec ( as always, being stupid to make money) wouldn't allow.

One can't use certain words and that is ok I can see that thinking...  I tried a few choices but to My surprise I got the following plate accepted ( unless they change their minds later )...

I am going to love having it on the car... Although it is going to be hard to explain to some of My vanilla friends why I choose that.  What do you think of this as an explaination: " I feel I am am always in bondage in some form or another " ?

Just for your information My first choice was KnottyMe but that wouldn't work so the below would have worked:

Well, now I will sit and wait for 4-6 weeks until MY plates arrive in the mailbox...

Speaks volumes...

I did try to obtain permission for this photo, I couldn't find a link to the photographer so if he he has a problem Me using his photo, please let Me know and I will delete the blog..

There is something about this photo that speaks volumes to Me....

This is why????

Some folks might be wondering why it has been soooooo  long since I have posted a blog, of course some folks couldn't careless....  Well the short answer is, every time ( well almost every time ) I blog/say something that gets Me into trouble with the people I care about...

Over My 60 years I have marched to Own drummer and honestly I am knot going to change either...  yes, yes I know that is a big mistake butt hell I am knot going to change now.  It is strange though, people may hate ( might be too strong a word ) the way I do things, butt when they are in trouble or need something done correctly guess who they call on -->>> YUP Me...

Now, if Y/you haven't been reading My morningstar's blog ( and honestly you should she writes MUCH better than I ever will ) you don't know that I have sold My house and will be moving to another province within a month...  Maybe when I have finished will all the Bull Shit ( Quebec side ) and get the computer system/house in working condition I will write about My experiences and feelings.

So, there is the short answer to where I have been....  I do hope you missed Me, butt I can well understand if Y/you didn't..... 

Hint, hint......

That phrase was really more of a challenge from morningstar in her latest blog, and I normally don't back away from challenges and this is NO exception to that rule.

Here is her challenge: " W got some fun presents - one especially meant for both of us (and hopefully W will post pics of it on his blog - hint hint!!! ) " It was/is a shame that she upset the Cold Gods just before Christmas break or she would have found out on Sunday ( that is when the present arrived ) night just how good this present is...... she will have to wait until she is much better health wise.

And before I forget, I wish to thank the couple that gave me this 60th birthday present and I do hope now that I am a Senior Citizen ( the Bank and Governments tell me I am ) I can last long enough to show her how good it REALLY is.

The 1st picture shows the whole flogger, the 2nd picture is a close up of the tips and the final one shows a REAL good close up of the tips ☺

Let the games begin soonnnnnnnnnn........

Well, I have done it one more time....

Once again I have caused morningstar pain ( and I don't mean the good kind ). I had to make a choice and I thought the one I made was the best one ( really there was no good choice ) for the occasion, well all I did was make her cry >>>> once again...

God I am tired of making these goofs, butt I seem to keep making them no matter what. I guess it should have been Me instead of George Bailey in that movie only this time Clarence doesn't get his wings..





Bah Humbug, I do hate Christmas, even more this year!!!

Is it time to revoke My licence???

My Dom's license is under serious review for My stupid f@#$king actions and in My mind and other I am sure should be revoked! Soul searching is required this week..

Now, that you are going Huh, morningstar's blog tells the whole story much better that I can ( she is very good with words ). I would like to say though I owe a big THANK YOU to those people ( and they really are more than just people, Angels come to mind ) for coming to morningstar's assistance.

All I can say to morningstar is I am so very sorry for My mistake and the pain ( knot the good type either ) I caused her.

Follow up

I got this from Florida Dom the other day in a comment section of an earlier blog:

*******
Florida Dom said...

We trust you. Tell us how it went.

FD

*******

well honestly, I don't kiss and tell or in this case hit and tell, butt morningstar did and writes SO much better than I do did so why don't you drop by and read it here.

All I will say is W/we both enjoyed the session ☺

I hope that answers your question FD??

Sir

On the weekend W/we attended VASEcon “VT's first all-day kink conference” and it was a wonderful conference although W/we only attended 2 of the many seminars. The organizers even arranged for a fire drill in the rain. All the people that ran this event and those who gave the seminars must take a bow for a lovely job that I could see. I am looking forward to the next VASEcon to be held.

Now the main reason for attending was morningstar wanted to and for Me to learn how to use a cane better than I have been, the instructor, switchme, was great as far as I am concerned and I know morningstar also thinks the same as her blog tells about it since she was the instructor's test subject for the lecture ( I was proud of her volunteering while I was pushing her hand up ☺ ). I was very proud of her after the caning she got.

Once the lectures were over, the many vendors that the organizers brought in were allowed to sell their wares and there was my pleasure and downfall. The vendors that attended had wonderful things too wonderful ( as the photo shows ), as I spent more money than I had or will have in the next couple of months, but my thanks go out to Knotty Designs for their lovely gray/orange rope flogger, TotemX Creations for the rabbit mitten complete with pen nib talons, RopeExtremes for the brilliant and vibrant bronze and silver rope and Spankysleather for the black leather 3-in-1 slapper ( he even threw in very nice simple brown leather slapper ).

Now, I did do a simple test of these new toys on morningstar's ass the next morning butt since it was still sore and marked from switchme's lecture I haven't really tested them out properly that their creators meant them to do, butt it will happen..... oh trust Me on the score.

It isn't a secret anymore...

I have been told by an old friend that I am scared.. well I think he might be right, although I denied it when it was said, and most of today that word hasn't left me..

The list is long right now and is getter longer ever day..

Guess what, I am scared to write this blog, so I am going to end it right now...

Scared...

I am scared of...

Saying the wrong thing...
Doing the wrong thing...
Living...
Failing even more...
Screwing up...
Going broke...
Homeless...
Not being able to fix things...
My health...
Love...
Talking...
Understanding things...
Answering questions I can't answer myself...

This is only what comes to this foolish old man's mind, or what my mind will allow me to voice...

Fed up

Well I need to say this and it isn't any need to respond to what I say.....

I am fed up of being politically correct.


I am fed up of having to fight for things that shouldn't have to be fought for.


I am fed up of always having to be nice.


I am fed up with pleasing everyone.


I am fed up with seniors trying to do something they will never get the hang off. ie: computers


I am fed up knot being able to do things that I should be able to.


I am fed up with life.


I am fed up with Governments that waste tax payers money, but expect me to pay $27,000.00 in taxes for something I haven't sold but they say I have even though they know I haven't.


I am fed up with knot being able to get a hard on because I am scared to try my Viagra again, even though I not longer care if I die or not.


I am fed up with knot being able to the Dom that I should be.


I am fed up with making people cry.


I am fed up with knot being able to clear out my house of all the junk or sell what I can.


I am fed up with worrying about my old age without a pension, because I screwed up when I was younger.


I am fed up knot being able to talk to a Professional about these things.


So now that you have heard me bitch out loud just go on with your life's like I never said anything or had been here.

A reply to morningstar's blog....

This morning morningstar posted a blog about waiting for my feedback to her question about my feelings regarding us, well I sent her an email back about it but I felt that I should post my reply so her readers could continue with her " Adventurous Journey " so here it is:

My Little me....

I do hope that I can answer this email without screwing up the words, since you know I can do that very easily....

I don't know what questions you think I have in my mind. The only thing in my mind is how can I figure out what I am looking for/what out in our relationship from your " new " change of being if you are still mapping it out in your mind. I do know until you have figured out things clearly in your mind I can't nor able to figure out if our relationship will work out to your thinking.

I do however know that I don't want you ever to stop being a friend, no, a good friend! The thought you not being my friend upsets me alot and did when we parted before.

I am sure this isn't the answer you were looking for but at this time and place it is the only one...

your Big Me....

ps: I think I am going to cut and paste this to My blog...

morningstar's medical update continued.....

Back to the drawing board.... things didn't work out :-((