Sometimes a mind IS a just a pain in the ASS and knot a pleasant way either !!

A couple of things I have been thinking about ( yes, I know that is a bad thing, butt that is what happens when you are left alone for too long ) munches and purchases....

The other day I was in a Cdn Tire store and notice a roll of rope, all different colors too, and decided to purchase a nice red one.  It was a very good price although I really didn't need it as it will most likely never see any action ether on Me or on someone else.  I wonder why I am still purchasing things like that as I can't see Myself every playing now or in the future, especially around this neck of the woods....

Now, on to the other thing I was thinking about, munches.....  Since m and I parted ways I have knot attended any of the old munches that we use to attend around here since people were bad mouthing Me and I felt it wasn't fair to the hosts that their munches have any problems if someone said/might say anything during one of them.

I have been attending other munches but further away from home base ( even up to 3-4 hrs away ) and the people and hosts have been very kind to Me even if one " Kingston " person told me I was rude and they wouldn't accept my friendship of Fet because of that, which I honestly don't understand their thinking ( over My many years of being around on this planet I have never been called rude, maybe other things ) butt at this stage I just chalked it up to that " Kingston " thinking once again, yet that isn't what has had My mind going. Now,I hope I don't offend My hosts as I don't blame them but lately I have felt when I have left the munches that I was welcomed to the munches butt not into the group as a whole or what they did other than just the munch.

Also, the past couple of munches there has been someone there that I once thought we were friends butt she too walked away ( maybe that was the wrong word more like stormed away ) because she didn't like a vanilla joke I said on Facebook.  As I told her back then if you don't wish to be My friend so be it, butt lately she and I have attended the same munches and well I honestly don't know how to act around her, should I just ignore her or strike up/join in a conversation?

So there you have it, that's what My mind has been dealing with butt one thing I have decided is I am knot going to attend anymore munches ( phase I )....

Maybe it is time ????

Maybe it is time to say goodbye to My 40+ years of the BDSM lifestyle???

Over the past week ( and even longer butt off and on ) I have been seriously thinking My time living the BDSM lifestyle is should cum to an end.

Life around here in Kingston and the surrounding cities & BDSM people ( not everyone butt most ) have become very unfriendly ( if knot, downright silent ) towards Me.  The lack of playing or having found a long term or short term players is getting Me down for I can't/won't believe it is ALL My fault or the leaving morningstar caused this either, even if certain people wished me the worse things..

I thought maybe if I moved to a new city/area that might help, but sadly the cost of moving here was greater than I thought it ever would/could and my finances have taken a beaten ( knot a pleasant one, should have not paid morningstar what I did instead of waiting to pay her when the house was sold, like we had agreed on, guess that will pay me for being kind, NEVER AGAIN  ).

So, honestly I really don't know what to do.  I would love to get back to the BDSM world I once loved and miss butt that would pushing Myself of a community that seems doesn't want Me in any way shape of form, if they did they would have touched base with Me something that really hasn't been done since morningstar and I parted ways last year..  I don't feel like having to drive a minimum of 1 hour to get to places that I am welcomed...

 I really don't know......   

Yes, I am back.....

I have been too quite for almost the past year mentally and more so for the written word and it has played heavily on my mind ( some folks would say sick mind ) very badly...

My last blog here, I said that I had hurt someone I had loved very badly and that hasn't changed but at the same time SHE hurt me badly since along with MOST of the Kingston area BDSM Community..

I am knot going into the fact that SHE is going things SHE would never do with Me over the almost 15 years W/we were together and believe it or knot that is FINE with Me, SHE is finding her way and I have now accepted her new ways and the fact W/we haven't talked for almost a year ( which is ok because right now I still have a HATE/love relationship towards in My mind ) and others in the BDSM community.

Even though I have/am saving tons of money knot attending the old munches W/we attended since arriving in Kingston I do miss them.  Oh, I have been attending other munches but it just isn't the same, even though I do adore the people at those munches. I stopped attending the Kingston area munches out of respect for the hosts/hostess as most of the people attending them were clearly against Me and I wasn't going to attend places that people hated Me, because back then ( and maybe still to a point ) I would have loudly and strongly told them where to go and that just isn't fair to the host/hostess...

Over the almost past year, basically there hasn't been anyone from these munches that have just dropped me a line to say " how are you doing and when are you coming back " so I have to figure out they don't want Me back at their munches or life's and even though I don't like that I am getting to learn to accept their hatred for Me..

So, that is where I am at right now ( well I do have other things pressing on my mind ) I think I will sign off right now and maybe later I might or surely I will talk more...