I could have had a submissive.... I could have had a loving lady.... I could have had a lifetime companion... I could have had a friend.... I could have had sleepful nights... I could have had fun times.... I could have had a step family... I could have had grandsons... I could have had a life...
I won't now because I did something very foolish, stupid ( use what ever words works here ) and one of the worst parts is I will never 100% understand why....
Before for that fateful day of March 8 2010 I had been talking to good friend about the fact something was going wrong with the relationship, but I couldn't for the life of me figure it out. Unfortunately for me my time ran out before I could figure it out or go to the next step and do something that every Master/submissive should always do, communicate, before the sh*t it the fan and it was over forever since I screwed that up too.
All I can say is I am so very, very sorry I hurt people and one person in particular that I loved so very much about. I wish I could take back all the hate I caused!
Well all this mess is my fault but I could have had, only if....
Why is it that governments and medical professionals won't let you leave this world when you have: no money, no sex, no partner, no career, no family, health problems, no life?
I can see them passing laws fornon-professionals not to assist the person wishing to leave this world, since there could be abuse on that level, but other than that why do they force you to stick around to suffer?
I can see it if you are clinical depressed since you don't have full control of your mind.
I can see it if you are going to physically hurt someone, like driving over a bridge and landing on passing boat.
So why can't the governments just stay out of it except for the above mentioned points?
The other day I was told in a couple of emails I was an " Ass " as well as "You must not be well-because if you were well and right in the head " plus " You are clueless ", well I might go along with being an Ass, but being not well or clueless??
A friend of O/ours before the breakup and hopefully afterwards once pulled me aside and said that I shouldn't get involved with any of morningstar's vanilla family and I told him nahhh I could handle it without any problems, well guess what?? HE WAS RIGHT ! Oh they claimed they understood what O/our lifestyle was all about, but deep down I don't ever think they did and that is fine since I don't think everyone in this cruel world has to understand or accept the BDSM lifestyle. Deep down the more I became stronger to their Mom ( at her wishes ) the more they didn't like it ( now I am sure I carried those wishes out at the wrong times ), but never had the guts to say anything directly to me at least ( claimed they wrote lots of emails but never sent them so to my mind of thinking same damn thing as not saying anything! ) and what I understand nothing to their Mom either. I hate it when someone doesn't like something and won't say anything about it, but will keep it inside!!
Well, at this stage of the game, they are now out of my life and I have dealt with that, but here is some advise to any future Doms and submissives that wish to learn from others mistakes:
I have decided based in morningstar's latest blog that I now clear out permanently since I have done nothing but hurt her, something I knew would happen to a point, as all breakups do, but I have seemed to have stepped over the lines of hurt something shenever deserved for one moment more than the normal situation should have been.
To all her friends, and she has tons of them, take care of her make sure she stays well and happy!!
For the last time littleone, I am so sorry for ALL the pain, humiliation and everything else I have done to you, I never deserved such a lovely fairy like you!!