Here I go again, thinking ( yes I know it hurts ) out loud again and I don't know why but what the hell.
I really wonder why I left an area of BDSM that I loved all my life ( Bondage ) and left it for a submissive that I honestly had NO IDEA how to treat correctly?
After almost 15 years you would have thought I should have walked away ( we did break up once and since the break up she has said she shouldn't come back these are my words she says things much better than I do ) and I didn't.. Since the breakup, I have lost the love of BDSM yet I keep trying to knot to, so I am thinking of throwing out all my BDSM things, butt at the same time I want to keep them as fond memories I did have but seeing them also brings back very bad memories ( mostly my fault butt some of hers too ).
After taking a break of attending munches, I shouldn't have and if verbal fights starts well so be it, butt I decided I wouldn't place hosts into that position so I backed off, butt I started to go back to them, butt honestly I am knot getting anything out of them I feel like a stranger and I don't do well as a stranger as hard as that is to believe for people that know me. So I think I won't attend anymore unless a miracle happens ( and how many of you or me believe in miracles? ).
So unlike someone saying dreams CAN come true, my dreams are almost down the drain and won't ever happen again... How can I be so stupid? >>>> VERY !!!!
Well for some earlier years at least it was a fun, an enjoyable time in the BDSM Lifestyle, one I thought would last until my natural death...
I really wonder why I left an area of BDSM that I loved all my life ( Bondage ) and left it for a submissive that I honestly had NO IDEA how to treat correctly?
After almost 15 years you would have thought I should have walked away ( we did break up once and since the break up she has said she shouldn't come back these are my words she says things much better than I do ) and I didn't.. Since the breakup, I have lost the love of BDSM yet I keep trying to knot to, so I am thinking of throwing out all my BDSM things, butt at the same time I want to keep them as fond memories I did have but seeing them also brings back very bad memories ( mostly my fault butt some of hers too ).
After taking a break of attending munches, I shouldn't have and if verbal fights starts well so be it, butt I decided I wouldn't place hosts into that position so I backed off, butt I started to go back to them, butt honestly I am knot getting anything out of them I feel like a stranger and I don't do well as a stranger as hard as that is to believe for people that know me. So I think I won't attend anymore unless a miracle happens ( and how many of you or me believe in miracles? ).
So unlike someone saying dreams CAN come true, my dreams are almost down the drain and won't ever happen again... How can I be so stupid? >>>> VERY !!!!
Well for some earlier years at least it was a fun, an enjoyable time in the BDSM Lifestyle, one I thought would last until my natural death...
