I know I am stupid so no one has to tell me this once again.....Today I commented ( she has removed my comments ) to morningstar on her blog with all honesty and got the following email back " Yes you did .. and you know you did....... but it won’t happen again.. trust me
Honestly I was confused with some of her replies, since what I had read was no one controlled anyone else in a " Leather Family " yet she is telling me she wouldn't place it on FetLife that she is her two Sir's family until her two Sirs place it on theirs, now to me and my stupid thinking she should be proud she is in that family and doesn't need any ones permission to tell people, I just don't get it....
So, I am sadden that morningstar doesn't/won't believe when I say I wasn't trying to embarrass or get under her skin, but I WASN'T but rather confused with her conflicting statements. So yet again we have crossed swords even though that was NEVER my intentions at anytime.
Sadly on my part, I am sure, I will totally back off on making ANYMORE comments/thoughts/good wishes/sadness/observations or anything else that morningstar says or writes. I will no longer attend any BDSM event/party or anything else where she is attending so I can't say/do anything that will embarrass/interfere/humiliate or anything else her. I do hope I will run into my friends at other places.
This way she doesn't have to think I did it on purpose when actually I was confused or caring about something.
38 comments:
It isn't really your concern about what her status is. Whatever she wants to label herself as is up to her and her Sirs. You coming in and questioning it comes off as an attack on her choice of label. You claim to be "curious" but you surely have to realize that statements like the ones you've made are challenging, ESPECIALLY when they're coming from an ex.
My own ex used to do things like that. He claimed he was "caring" and "just curious" and every single action he took came off as malicious to me.
We don't speak anymore.
I get that you still believe you care for morningstar, but you no longer have a place in her life. Your place is in her past, and you really shouldn't be reading, much less commenting on what she is doing. Letting go, and moving on are the things you should think over - not what someone else's choice of label is.
@ blade, your right I don't have the right to be human and make comments on anyone's blog sort of just like you have just done making comments on a blog..
I never said you didn't have the 'right' to do so. I explained that your history with her causes your "caring" comments to come off as attacks. Personally, I read your comments exchange, and even if you weren't her ex, I'd still feel that your comments were judgemental and hostile.
Besides all that, does having the "right" to do something mean that you SHOULD? If she wanted you in her life, you'd be in it.
Why do you even care what her status is posted as? It's not just curiosity, and it's really starting to come off as cyber-stalking.
@blade,
Seems I can't do ANYTHING RIGHT, God I hope the next thing I do IS done correctly then all this will go away for good!
she won't be bothered by me any longer. I will leaving soon enough..
Happy now??
I feel very sorry for you warren. Its clear to see who has taken the high road.
Stalking, threatening and various other things you have said and done regarding your break up, certainly hasnt shown anyone that your a mature adult.
Im so sad and sorry you feel this way.
Maybe you could move on, and live and learn.
Warren,
I have kind of been following the breakup. This is what it looks like from an outsider. You continously post things to her that question the choices she is now making. (Most likely in hopes to put seeds of doubt in her mind so she will "long" for whatever it is you think she has forgotten about your realtionship with her). When you do not get the response you want from her, either your next response or your next post are always filled with enuendos that you will harm/kill yourself.
First, NOONE can be responsible for someone else's life. Period. I have had to aquaintences kill themselves over lost loves. You know what happened? Sadness at first, then anger, then sorrow. As time went on, a very short time, life kept moving for them. I am betting if they think about that person more than once a year that is a lot. Consider this before you continue or follow through with the threats.
Would you really want her back knowing she did it because you had threatened your life? She would still be just as unhappy and you would not get the love you want/need.
Lastly, you really should seek some help. It is not healthy mentally to do what you are doing. You will want to learn healthier ways to interact in your relationships so that you may find a happy ending for yourself.
@anonymous,
You assume that I want her back in my life, well here is a NEWSFLASH, I don't want her back!
2 words
passive
aggresive
Oh, you poor man. You've really gotten the short end of the stick here. If you're confused about something, you should be able ask all of the questions you want! After all, you're only doing it out of an abundance of concern. Or because you were confused about the details of her new life. You should be able to comment on anyone's blog, any time. You should be able to question their life choices--again, only because you care, or because you're seeking clarification. After all, it should be obvious to anyone that you care about her deeply and she may not be able to see things as clearly as you can see them. You should be able to express your opinions!
And---I can't believe that you've been forced to to stay away from all BDSM parties and events because she claims that you distract her. You should be able to go to the events, watch her play with her new "leather family" (ha!) and even make comments if you want to. It's her fault if she doesn't like it. (It probably stems from her guilty conscience and deep deep regret over breaking up with you.) Oh, and it's probably her "sirs" fault, too, if they feel like it interferes, humiliates or embarrasses her. It's not your fault! I'm sure you've never intended to interfere and that was never your intention. And the icing on the cake...it's no fair that you have to cut yourself off from your friends. You didn't do anything wrong. Or if you did something wrong, it certainly wasn't on purpose. I can't believe she doesn't understand that. Some people are just blind.
Try to stop reading her blog, what she posts on Fet, etc. I know it's hard but try. Reward yourself with something you like to do every time you don't check her blog or go to her Fetlife profile.
She doesn't belong to you anymore, she's not a part of your life anymore. Time to move on. Find someone new, take up a new hobby, stop obsessing over her.
She didn't take your comments down, they are still over there. I would not be happy if my ex showed up on my blog asking questions and making assumptions like that either. My ex and I are Facebook friends but we hardly ever comment on each other's pages and that's on purpose.
We broke up because it didn't work out; you guys broke up because it didn't work out. You can't fix it by following her around asking questions or making comments saying you're just "confused" or whtaever. It just frustrates and angers you both.
Time
To
Move
On
More than time.
@anonymous,
Just for the record she did remove MY comments from her " Why " blog as I have just checked. She didn't take my comments on the other blog.
Thanks for all your advice.
I'm the Anon just previous to this comment.
One more thing about most men and women and breakups; women, especially women who are wired to be submissive to their man, who are nurturers, etc., tend to give their ex mixed signals by agreeing to be friendly with the ex if the ex wants that. This is not because they are trying to get back together with their ex but because by their nature, they don't like to hurt people's feelings.
I am like this and I unfortunately gave my ex mixed signals after our very emotional breakup. When he wanted to be "friends" with me, I said okay, against the advice of all my male family members and friends.
Not because I still wanted anything to do with him but because I didn't want to hurt his feelings.
However, *he* looked at my acceptance of being friends as a way to get back into my life. He wanted me back, plain and simple and when I allowed friendship, *he* saw that as a positive step towards us getting back together.
I didn't; I was just trying to be nice.
So when he would inevitably go too far and I would have to put up boundaries, he'd get very upset and hurt because he had a completely different perception of our relationship. He thought "she's my friend, maybe we can be together again if I'm really nice and show her I've changed" and I was thinking, "I'll be friends with him only because I hate hurting anyone's feelings; not because I still care about him that way, because I never will again."
When/if Morningstar contacts you or is nice to you, it's not because she wants to be with you again but because she's trying to be polite.
If you continue to try and be involved with her life in any way, even just reading her blog, she will continue to hurt you because she's not interested in being with you anymore and you are not in the place yet to be able to accept that.
There's what I know, for what it's worth, I hope it helps you.
The very best thing you can do for yourself is just stay away from her as much as possible. Great good luck, I know it's difficult but I also know you'll be much better off and happier once you let go of trying to be in her life in some way.
@anonymous,
Thank you for your insight and information, truly thank you.
morningstar would be the first and only EX that I don't have a friendly relationship with. I am not trying to get back with them when ever we talk or see each other, so maybe that was your ex's plan NOT mine.
I have stated that I would no longer attend any event she is attending even though that will limit me to the BDSM scene, something I don't see her doing. I have said I will no longer make any comments.
Once again, she wins and I lose !! Fucking screwed again no wonder I want to die!!
Unfortunately the internet does knot allow people to truly convey their emotions unless they are good writers sadly something I am not, but morningstar is..
I am sure I haven't conveyed my thoughts correctly.
Warren, you said:
"morningstar would be the first and only EX that I don't have a friendly relationship with. I am not trying to get back with them when ever we talk or see each other"
That is an excellent point, you are right, you're NOT trying to get back with them and you didn't try back then so that made it easy to be friends with them.
Do you wish you were dead when you read your other ex's emails or talk to them? No, you don't. You can have a perfectly normal friendly relationship with them.
But not Morningstar.
Because you have not let go of her yet. You still want her back, you still wish you could take back what happened. And you cannot be friends with her until you get to the point where you don't care so much about her and when you stop trying to make it work again.
When you do finally let her go, then maybe you can be friends then. But not now while it's still so obviously hurtful for you in so many ways.
The thing is, by the time you do get to the point where you don't care so much, you probably won't want to be friends very much, either.
This will be a *good* thing. :) Trust me. :)
You've painted yourself into a corner and are now painting yourself as the victim.
Why will you no longer attend BDSM events? Because you've exiled yourself.
Why have you exiled yourself from BDSM events? Because she says you've embarrassed, interfered or humiliated her.
Why have you embarrassed, interfered or humiliated her? Because, it would seem, you feel compelled to ask questions or make comments.
She has made it clear that your comments are unwelcome. It sounds as if you tried to go to BDSM events but were unable to just ignore her once you were there.
I suspect it's not a case of her winning and you losing so much as it's a case of you making bad judgment calls that are now creating problems.
@anonymous,
Ok, I am going to be blunt and to the point: I only wish to get back to her as a friend only I KNOW anything else wouldn't work and she is happy with the new Family!!
Secondly, the only reason I wish to die is because it has shown me all my present and past failures, not because I am reading her emails/talking ( we haven't talked in person for months ) SO IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH HER!!
Also, you can't tell me that it would be a "good* thing or trust you the ONLY one that can do that is morningstar!!
I hope it is clear now!!!
@Jen,
I have already explained why I will not attend events with her there.
I said that her Sir M emailed directly telling me that I was " interfering " with his ability to play with her even though I have only ONCE been around them while playing and ONLY from a distance.
Oh, I have made bad judgments this is very true, I have also tried to correct them too. Sadly most of them have created problems.
I went to a munch and they sat down right in front/beside me because there was no other space in the place so I don't want that happening ever again. They didn't leave even though I was there first, so I am going to do the honorable thing and I won't show up at things in the future.
So somethings just aren't MY fault even though almost everyone is saying it is NEVER her fault, like you!
I am tired that she can do NO wrong ever and it is ALWAYS my fault, WELL SHE AIN'T PERFECT!! And yes, I have done things wrong too before anyone else jumps on me for saying otherwise!
Warren, you said:
"the only reason I wish to die is because it has shown me all my present and past failures (snip) SO IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH HER!!"
You didn't want to die from your failures before she left, only after she left.
So yeah, it is about her.
You know you'd stop wishing you would die if she came back, despite you saying it's because of past and present mistakes you say you've made, you know you tell yourself you'd be happy again if she came back.
So it's total BS that it's not about her, ALL of this is about her.
@anonymous,
Have you ever hear of " this is the last straw"? Well she was the last straw in my failures. So, no I wouldn't stop thinking about dying.
morningstar is NEVER EVER going to be with me EVER again!!
you are going to believe what you want to believe NO MATTER WHAT I SAY OR DO!!
"morningstar is NEVER EVER going to be with me EVER again!!"
You should add: "in any way" to the end of that sentence.
Stop worrying about what she is, isn't, or might be doing. Stop reading her blog.
Stop wallowing in your self-pity. Take stock of the things in your life that haven't worked out to your satisfaction. If any of those things didn't work out because of something you did, figure out how to try and avoid it in the future. Failures are lessons. Wallowing in self pity does nothing for you. You will not improve as long as you continue the way you have been. You have everything to gain by getting it together and moving on.
Can I suggest that, until you move on from this place, you stop calling yourself "Sir"? It is a title that commands respect however in this case it is only a label that you are clinging on to.
Feel everything that you are feeling and process your broken heart but don't continue under the assumption that your posts are commanding respect. You are being whiny and manipulative and that, I'm sorry to say, is the opinion of someone who has no knowledge of the backstory of this situation. I have formed an opinion of you only from the words you have written. I suggest you drop the Sir and get real.
God, I do love people that give advice and don't have the guts to sign there name and also don't have all the facts.
Now that being said, I did change the name of the blog from Sir's Place to Warren's Place and guess what I had people saying I shouldn't have...
So, you know what, the saying is true, " you can't please all the people all the time".
You can think what you wish to think about me, you have that right even if you don't have the guts to admit you said it.
Warren
A name means nothing when it belongs to a stranger. They're still a stranger, named or not.
Yes I'm a stranger. My name is Beth. Now you know my name it makes me no less anonymous, Warren. You hide in the exact same way.
Beth
i think all the mean-ness and anger needs to stop...He will work things out in His own way- so will morningstar...they know each other, they cared about each other for a very long time. no one needs to 'pick sides"...no one needs to name call...we all have feelings, right or wrong they are there...i dont understand trying to make someone feel so bad about themselves, i dont believe morningstar is standing at the sidelines with a smile and fist in the air yelling
'you guys tell Him!" is everyone that much "better" at dealing with thoughts, feelings, gestures? i dont know Sir or morningstar personally- only from reading at both places... and to me its kinda like being invited into their home...you should be respectful, if you dont like something, dont visit anymore.... but really, there is no need for hurtful "advice". neither of them deserve any of this.
Hisflower ( to Sir,yes, i am HIS flower still- its all worked out :))
p.s... that was me that deleted above...my name real showed up, so i had to change it.
@Hisflower,
Sorry for the delay to thank you for your kind words. They were very well written, something I wish I could do.
Thanks again, your comments touched me.
Warren
Maybe you should follow through on what you're saying. You've said multiple times that you're going to stay out of her life, that you won't read her blog anymore and yet you continue to do this.
Every time you comment, you're hurting her. Which seems to be something you don't want to do, so why continue to comment?
I can understand that you're hurt about the relationship, and unfortunately you're not completely over it yet. It sucks. It hurts. It sucks knowing your ex is moving on and having a great time while you feel as though you're not moving forward and you're just plain miserable.
Forgetting about morningstar's feelings for a bit, think about your own. Is it productive for you to read her blogs? Is it healthy for you to comment on them? Does it make you feel good to write posts about morningstar? I'm sure the answer to any of these questions are no. I feel badly, because this is your blog and you are definitely allowed to express yourself (that's the point of one!). But maybe instead of focusing on all the bad that happened in the end of the relationship, try to focus on the positive things that came out of it. Think about what you're thankful for from the relationship, instead of feeling hurt by the way it ended and feeling guilty about how you treated her (my interpretation).
Yes, you lost a great love. Yes, it truly does suck. Yes, please write about your feelings on this relationship but do it in a healthy, productive way. Don't keep knocking over your self esteem, don't keep focusing on all the negative. Find a new way to frame the relationship. Think about what it taught you, what you learnt about yourself, what it taught you about relationships.
Acknowledge your feelings, but acknowledge them in a positive way so that you can finally let go of them. When you write post after post of how horrible you feel, how horrible you treated her, etc it gets hard for the readers to see because it's the same tune. Not only is it the same tune though, it's a tune that is hard to stomach. It's very... not healthy the way that you were writing about her, and about yourself. I understand that you feel as though maybe you're not a great writer, and have a hard time expressing it eloquently. I think a way to overcome this though is to just really stop focusing on the bad, and start focusing on the good. It would create a different tone.
In the mean time though, I suggest that you stop reading her blog. That you stop commenting, and stop contacting her. Maybe it IS a good idea for you not to go to munches (though please acknowledge that this is your own decision, regardless of whether her dom e-mailed you or not [which btw I think is inappropriate, someone cannot tell you you are no longer welcome in public domain because you're exes with someone]) so that YOU can get time away from her. Take everything that makes her think of you, everything she gave you, and put it in a box. Put this box some where you cannot see it, try to think of her less and less. Put all of those emotions in a mental box and seal that a way too. And when the time is right, starting taking things out one by one only if you can appreciate it for what it is, and not feel negatively about it.
She needs room to breathe and heal. But so do you. Do yourself a favor and just try and minimize the contact you have with her because you're only hurting yourself.
Maybe you should follow through on what you're saying. You've said multiple times that you're going to stay out of her life, that you won't read her blog anymore and yet you continue to do this.
Every time you comment, you're hurting her. Which seems to be something you don't want to do, so why continue to comment?
I can understand that you're hurt about the relationship, and unfortunately you're not completely over it yet. It sucks. It hurts. It sucks knowing your ex is moving on and having a great time while you feel as though you're not moving forward and you're just plain miserable.
Forgetting about morningstar's feelings for a bit, think about your own. Is it productive for you to read her blogs? Is it healthy for you to comment on them? Does it make you feel good to write posts about morningstar? I'm sure the answer to any of these questions are no. I feel badly, because this is your blog and you are definitely allowed to express yourself (that's the point of one!). But maybe instead of focusing on all the bad that happened in the end of the relationship, try to focus on the positive things that came out of it. Think about what you're thankful for from the relationship, instead of feeling hurt by the way it ended and feeling guilty about how you treated her (my interpretation).
Yes, you lost a great love. Yes, it truly does suck. Yes, please write about your feelings on this relationship but do it in a healthy, productive way. Don't keep knocking over your self esteem, don't keep focusing on all the negative. Find a new way to frame the relationship. Think about what it taught you, what you learnt about yourself, what it taught you about relationships. >
> Acknowledge your feelings, but acknowledge them in a positive way so that you can finally let go of them. When you write post after post of how horrible you feel, how horrible you treated her, etc it gets hard for the readers to see because it's the same tune. Not only is it the same tune though, it's a tune that is hard to stomach. It's very... not healthy the way that you were writing about her, and about yourself. I understand that you feel as though maybe you're not a great writer, and have a hard time expressing it eloquently. I think a way to overcome this though is to just really stop focusing on the bad, and start focusing on the good. It would create a different tone.
In the mean time though, I suggest that you stop reading her blog. That you stop commenting, and stop contacting her. Maybe it IS a good idea for you not to go to munches (though please acknowledge that this is your own decision, regardless of whether her dom e-mailed you or not [which btw I think is inappropriate, someone cannot tell you you are no longer welcome in public domain because you're exes with someone]) so that YOU can get time away from her. Take everything that makes her think of you, everything she gave you, and put it in a box. Put this box some where you cannot see it, try to think of her less and less. Put all of those emotions in a mental box and seal that a way too. And when the time is right, starting taking things out one by one only if you can appreciate it for what it is, and not feel negatively about it.
She needs room to breathe and heal. But so do you. Do yourself a favor and just try and minimize the contact you have with her because you're only hurting yourself.
And uh, sorry for the double comment. Blogger told me the original was too large to process, so I broke it into two, but I guess it posted the original anyways...
I'm not quite sure where to post this, so I'm posting it here. I read about your loss on morningstar's blog and wanted to offer my heartfelt condolences. I'm truly sorry for your loss. I wish you much strength during the difficult moments.
@anna,
Thank you for your kind words and thoughts.
Warren
I too wanted to send my condolences and hope youre making your way through OK
Renee'
Still out there?
I check in from time to time and wonder how you're doing. I hope things are going better for you and that you're being kind to yourself.
* knock knock *
I just had go re-read these (mostly) shit-a** comments. Some of them are so mean-spirited. I know you were both suffering in your own way. I find them particularly humorous in light of your current relationship with m.
I'm glad things are better, W.
Much love,
PKB
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