Thursday, January 11, 2018

Words hurt more than actions..?

Usually in my many years (too many) of living on the hateful world I have found actions are much better than words  since one can hear and see  what is TRYING to be said rather than trying to figure out what the other person is trying  to said WITHOUT any mistakes.

However, lately words have been written  ( all be it for them and the one's THEY wanted to have seen ) and read now by others that have VERY, very DEEPLY hurt ( although I am knot sure they were totally meant to, although some might have been.. ) in MY mind and heart especially my heart.

These words that were written just showed how much my life has been a TOTAL waste of time AND before anyone jumps on me, yes I know I have done some good but over all a waste!!!  A waste of time especially in the love area especially the last one...  I know she is love with her present man, I just don't understand why she stayed and moved with me ( even though it was her idea to head to the city I have ended up in even though I did agree, made sense at the time ) when she was in " love " with her present mate and had declared it SEVERAL times over the past month??  I SHOULD have know this but foolishly didn't and now I am paying the price !!  I no longer trust/open my heart to anyone, if anything I distrust EVERYONE if not hate the whole world!!  I don't ( sort of ) or can't really blame her as it lays squarely on my shoulders.

People have told me ( nicely and with love in there hearts ) that I should go see a medical person again, especially since it is that time once again that BELL CANADA has started its " Let's Talk " campaign only problem is the last medical ( shrink ) person decided to go ( even though I was her client first ) with her and tell me to leave and find someone else, hell she didn't even make arrangements to meet with that medical person she suggested, not even my GP that knew what was going to happen!  Although Bell's campaign deep down is a good one, it ISN'T good for everyone that NO LONGER TRUSTS ANY medical person.  Every time I see their commercial I want to reach for something to kill myself since it brings me back to the fact I have FAILED in SO many ways.  The only good thing is my parents, Grandparents aren't around to see me fail and be so NOT PROUD of me...

In closing, since I am going down hill again, hell I can't even end this, with only saying EVERYTHING no longer interests me like BDSM even though in Kingston my name is mud because of the breakup ( now almost over 3 years ago ) even though I started going back to some munches

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