Sunday, July 03, 2005

What am I doing to do???

Since this early afternoon littleone's mood has Me going nuts, she has gone from laughter and enjoyment to tears and almost total silence....

This mood is not something new for her, but My feelings of not being in control is.... on one hand I want to just lean over and punish her for her actions ( but if I do she might/will think I am just doing for her or she shouldn't be punished at all ) or lack of and then on the other hand I can't undertstand where this is all coming from... her mood changed this time with an offer of having coffee and a swim with a pink pantie subbie friend of O/ours along with her BDSM daughter.... When I asked what was happening the most she really said was " she couldn't explain it to Me " and the more I pushed the more she went and "hid" behind her wall of silence...

When I walked in the condo on Friday I was greeted with " I am going to be a good subbie all weekend long", well today I would say that has gone out the window.. Last night W/we had a BDSM equipment swap meet with some of O/our friends, an idea that littleone came up with and in My mind (and I am sure the others there too) a GREAT idea... littleone made Me very proud of the evening and it's success...

Over the past month or so I feel I have lost the control, respect of her that I once had and I am not sure what the next step is.....but I do know that I getting upset, tired with this attitude... I am starting to think that this subbie has become disatified with her Sir, God knows I have tried to be the Dominate in her life over this time period, but she has not listened to what I have tried to do or ordered her to DO.....

So what do I do??? When I talk to her I seem to send her into tears or I put My foot into My mouth more, so what do I do???

she is worth the fight, but I am tired of getting up everyday and fighting with My world...

2 comments:

anna said...

i hope You don't mind me butting my nose where it doesn't belong. Quite frankly, i think You're being too hard on Yourself. From what i've seen (and i might be totally wrong) Your littleone adores You and loves to please You. If i had to guess, i'd say the problem is that she sometimes (much like myself) wants what she wants when she wants it. i think it's normal for a submissive to have her greedy moments and i also think it's normal for us to sometimes forget that it isn't about our own selfish desires, but rather the desires of our Owner - even when Their desires don't match ours.

i also read littleone's blog and noticed that she had been led to believe there would be some play time... and that all went out the window when Y/you were invited to a friend's for a swim. i think anyone would feel disappointed if they were expecting something (something they were very much looking forward to) and then that wonderful something got snatched away from them.

Then again, what do i know. i'm sure Y/you can both figure this out a lot better than i can explain it. Perhaps this is just a situation where better/clearer communication is required.

CLoud said...

My dear friend it does pain me to hear of this. Advice can be offered but this truly must be arrived at by the both of you as of what to do.

As far as I know you have made a decision years ago unless you are changing what you are or she is then be what your title calls you to be.

CLoud