Monday, April 09, 2007

Damn I did it again ;-((

Once again I have returned home leaving littleone upset, frustrated and crying..... I am publicly writing this instead of writing/talking to littleone directly for in My mind I want littleone to know that I do care and I am just as upset as she is with My actions or lack of them...

I was planning to have a session this morning with her after the vanilla side of the weekend was over, but when I woke up this morning both My mind and body just weren't into ANYTHING and I really don't know why. Oh this feeling has come over Me over the 50+ years I have lived on this planet and I suppose it is a some form of depression ( that I have had before ).

All that is in My mind right now is:

I am Sorry,
I Screwed up once again,
the more I tried to fix things the more I fail, the more I fail littleone
and her quest to find the " right " Dom/Master/Sir that can give her all the BDSM lifestyle she wants and needs.
It hurts Me that I don't seem to have " Right Stuff " to satisfy littleone's lust for a 24/7 lifestyle. Over those 50+ years I have knot only let her down but I have failed others that have placed their trust in Me, but the one I have failed the worst is Me, My ability to make something of Me that My ancestors would have been proud of....
Like I posted before littleone/morningstar is Number 1 and deserves more that I can give her as she is
one hell of a slave....

4 comments:

littleone said...

i am not even going to say a thing.....

SeaRabbit said...

It happens to everyone to feel upset, depressed... and not at the measure of our s.o.
It doesn.t make you any less than a huuman being... and I am more than sure that little one is still perfectly happy with you the way you are... just like I am with Him... no matter if I am whining and crying more than anything else... part of the deal, I presume.. ;-(

Anonymous said...

littleone is there to please you and if you are not in the mood than so be it. I am sure her desire to please is stronger than her desire to be pleased.

Michelle said...

I can identify with little one because I am in the same boat with my Dom. He has never been in a full time D/s relationship therefore he is having a difficult time with certain things. But I love him and I wouldn't change a thing although we have alot of work to do in order for us to be both happy and content with the lifestyle! I feel that just because we are submissive does not mean we should "suffer" , our desires and needs should be meant as well. Just food for thought!