Well, I have done it one more time....

Once again I have caused morningstar pain ( and I don't mean the good kind ). I had to make a choice and I thought the one I made was the best one ( really there was no good choice ) for the occasion, well all I did was make her cry >>>> once again...

God I am tired of making these goofs, butt I seem to keep making them no matter what. I guess it should have been Me instead of George Bailey in that movie only this time Clarence doesn't get his wings..





Bah Humbug, I do hate Christmas, even more this year!!!

Is it time to revoke My licence???

My Dom's license is under serious review for My stupid f@#$king actions and in My mind and other I am sure should be revoked! Soul searching is required this week..

Now, that you are going Huh, morningstar's blog tells the whole story much better that I can ( she is very good with words ). I would like to say though I owe a big THANK YOU to those people ( and they really are more than just people, Angels come to mind ) for coming to morningstar's assistance.

All I can say to morningstar is I am so very sorry for My mistake and the pain ( knot the good type either ) I caused her.

Follow up

I got this from Florida Dom the other day in a comment section of an earlier blog:

*******
Florida Dom said...

We trust you. Tell us how it went.

FD

*******

well honestly, I don't kiss and tell or in this case hit and tell, butt morningstar did and writes SO much better than I do did so why don't you drop by and read it here.

All I will say is W/we both enjoyed the session ☺

I hope that answers your question FD??

Sir

On the weekend W/we attended VASEcon “VT's first all-day kink conference” and it was a wonderful conference although W/we only attended 2 of the many seminars. The organizers even arranged for a fire drill in the rain. All the people that ran this event and those who gave the seminars must take a bow for a lovely job that I could see. I am looking forward to the next VASEcon to be held.

Now the main reason for attending was morningstar wanted to and for Me to learn how to use a cane better than I have been, the instructor, switchme, was great as far as I am concerned and I know morningstar also thinks the same as her blog tells about it since she was the instructor's test subject for the lecture ( I was proud of her volunteering while I was pushing her hand up ☺ ). I was very proud of her after the caning she got.

Once the lectures were over, the many vendors that the organizers brought in were allowed to sell their wares and there was my pleasure and downfall. The vendors that attended had wonderful things too wonderful ( as the photo shows ), as I spent more money than I had or will have in the next couple of months, but my thanks go out to Knotty Designs for their lovely gray/orange rope flogger, TotemX Creations for the rabbit mitten complete with pen nib talons, RopeExtremes for the brilliant and vibrant bronze and silver rope and Spankysleather for the black leather 3-in-1 slapper ( he even threw in very nice simple brown leather slapper ).

Now, I did do a simple test of these new toys on morningstar's ass the next morning butt since it was still sore and marked from switchme's lecture I haven't really tested them out properly that their creators meant them to do, butt it will happen..... oh trust Me on the score.

It isn't a secret anymore...

I have been told by an old friend that I am scared.. well I think he might be right, although I denied it when it was said, and most of today that word hasn't left me..

The list is long right now and is getter longer ever day..

Guess what, I am scared to write this blog, so I am going to end it right now...

Scared...

I am scared of...

Saying the wrong thing...
Doing the wrong thing...
Living...
Failing even more...
Screwing up...
Going broke...
Homeless...
Not being able to fix things...
My health...
Love...
Talking...
Understanding things...
Answering questions I can't answer myself...

This is only what comes to this foolish old man's mind, or what my mind will allow me to voice...

Fed up

Well I need to say this and it isn't any need to respond to what I say.....

I am fed up of being politically correct.


I am fed up of having to fight for things that shouldn't have to be fought for.


I am fed up of always having to be nice.


I am fed up with pleasing everyone.


I am fed up with seniors trying to do something they will never get the hang off. ie: computers


I am fed up knot being able to do things that I should be able to.


I am fed up with life.


I am fed up with Governments that waste tax payers money, but expect me to pay $27,000.00 in taxes for something I haven't sold but they say I have even though they know I haven't.


I am fed up with knot being able to get a hard on because I am scared to try my Viagra again, even though I not longer care if I die or not.


I am fed up with knot being able to the Dom that I should be.


I am fed up with making people cry.


I am fed up with knot being able to clear out my house of all the junk or sell what I can.


I am fed up with worrying about my old age without a pension, because I screwed up when I was younger.


I am fed up knot being able to talk to a Professional about these things.


So now that you have heard me bitch out loud just go on with your life's like I never said anything or had been here.

A reply to morningstar's blog....

This morning morningstar posted a blog about waiting for my feedback to her question about my feelings regarding us, well I sent her an email back about it but I felt that I should post my reply so her readers could continue with her " Adventurous Journey " so here it is:

My Little me....

I do hope that I can answer this email without screwing up the words, since you know I can do that very easily....

I don't know what questions you think I have in my mind. The only thing in my mind is how can I figure out what I am looking for/what out in our relationship from your " new " change of being if you are still mapping it out in your mind. I do know until you have figured out things clearly in your mind I can't nor able to figure out if our relationship will work out to your thinking.

I do however know that I don't want you ever to stop being a friend, no, a good friend! The thought you not being my friend upsets me alot and did when we parted before.

I am sure this isn't the answer you were looking for but at this time and place it is the only one...

your Big Me....

ps: I think I am going to cut and paste this to My blog...

morningstar's medical update continued.....

Back to the drawing board.... things didn't work out :-((

morningstar's medical update continued.....

Well another day down and no further ahead... morningstar had a test ( I won't mention what one ) this morning that didn't work so tomorrow the Medical folk are going to try it again but using something stronger, if that fails well, I am not sure what will be left... Just to let you all know I am being REAL good about some of the jokes I could use right now...

On the good side her spirits are much better ( even her hunky looking surgeon says so ) since she has been allowed to go out and have a cig or two. she has her computer now but no internet connection so at least she can play her games. she is having troubles with the hospital food though, although the dietitians are visiting her daily to find something she likes and her body will accept...

That is all for now...

morningstar's medical update continued.....

Well, I have just arrived back from visiting morningstar and the visited started off in tears since in the past couple of days the Medical folks have been telling her " she has something, she doesn't have something ".... All this did for her was have her stomach in knots and knot the good kind!

During our visit one of her Medical folk ( a senior Doctor ) dropped in and without dawning a yellow protective gown he headed for the bottom of her bed and started off by saying she didn't have C-Dificle , but did have a thing I can't say much less spell. The bottom line was she is going to be ok ( unless another Medical folk says something else ) even though he felt she should stay in the hospital for maybe another 10 days to get more drugs and a follow up CT scan.

So, what do you think morningstar did when he left the room after saying she could go anywhere in the hospital she wanted, yes you guessed it, out for a smoke and here is the picture I took while she was enjoying the first cigarette in four days at -10c....



All in all this was a good visit, don't you think? More to come next week ( the Medical folk are off on weekends...

morningstar's medical update

Hi everyone,

morningstar's is still in the hospital getting more tests and and drugs to help her get her strength back and fight off the nasty things that are making her sick.

The surgeon talked to her this morning and they have found something that could be several things but need to do more tests before they narrow down what it really is. she is a bit down ( something I do understand ) but I have told her to hang in there until ALL the tests are in before she starts worrying.

I didn't stay long because between the tests and the doctor's news morningstar wanted to be alone ( she is never really alone ) to think things out and rest up from those tests nasty side effects...

That is all I know for the moment...

" It's Time " update......Update....

Hi all,

It is now almost 1am and I am just getting to this as I left the hospital at 11:00 and needed to do a few things first...

morningstar has now had her operation and it looks like a 100% successful even with her low blood pressure right after her surgery. She must be on the mend as she was refusing the nurses wishes of using a bedpan versus the walk-in toilet....

I will know tomorrow morning if I will be bringing her home tomorrow to start her recovery..

That is it right now.... I am sure tomorrow afternoon or evening you will be hearing from morningstar once again....

" It's Time " update......

This morning, morningstar posted on her blog about her fight with her gall bladder, well the short of it right now is the following:

After spending 12 hours in ER before she was officially admitted to her hospital room. W/we met with her surgeon and he wants to run a couple of tests tomorrow morning to double check something then he will decide when the operation will take place, but I do believe it will no longer be done on Feb 14th but rather my guess is Wednesday morning or late Tuesday.

Sorry it isn't much news but at least morningstar is in the hospital now and resting ( she was when I left and hope she still is )....

I will let you know more when I/W/we know more.

Mojo.....

I had a strange feeling ( something rare ) this weekend while we attended the SNOW BALL! New Years Eve Gala at Breathless, when I started up on morningstar's sparkly bod I just couldn't get my act together.

It didn't matter what toy I placed in My hand it just didn't feel right. For some reason the toys that I first started up with just didn't feel right, something I have never felt before and really don't understand why I should have felt that way. Oh, I was as happy as any " Dom/Master/Sir " could be with the thought that a pain slut bottom was going to allow/want/need My limited ability to send her to a place that would make her very happy and content...

Fortunately for both of us, this feeling passed fairly quickly and I do hope that I was able to make sure that morningstar had a good start to 2011.

I am just hoping that I am knot losing my mojo?? Any other Dom/Master/Sir ever had this feeling too?


ps: Happy New Year to all....