In Memoriam

Morningstar & Warren

July 29, 2002 to April 30, 2010

" Morningstar was the best submissive I ever served then or ever again "

New Title.....

How can I still call it " Sir's " place when I no longer have a submissive, in MY eyes that would be false advertising..

So the truth is it is " Warren's " place...

There is nothing worse....

The words are in my mind, but when they are written down they don't convey the feelings that are in this old mind of mine....

Don't ya just hate that???

Darn, I could have had a .......

I could have had a submissive....
I could have had a loving lady....
I could have had a lifetime companion...
I could have had a friend....
I could have had sleepful nights...
I could have had fun times....
I could have had a step family...
I could have had grandsons...
I could have had a life...

but instead

I won't now because I did something very foolish, stupid ( use what ever words works here ) and one of the worst parts is I will never 100% understand why....

Before for that fateful day of March 8 2010 I had been talking to good friend about the fact something was going wrong with the relationship, but I couldn't for the life of me figure it out. Unfortunately for me my time ran out before I could figure it out or go to the next step and do something that every Master/submissive should always do, communicate, before the sh*t it the fan and it was over forever since I screwed that up too.

All I can say is I am so very, very sorry I hurt people and one person in particular that I loved so very much about. I wish I could take back all the hate I caused!

Well all this mess is my fault but I could have had, only if....

Here's a question to think about....

Why is it that governments and medical professionals won't let you leave this world when you have: no money, no sex, no partner, no career, no family, health problems, no life?

I can see them passing laws for non-professionals not to assist the person wishing to leave this world, since there could be abuse on that level, but other than that why do they force you to stick around to suffer?

I can see it if you are clinical depressed since you don't have full control of your mind.

I can see it if you are going to physically hurt someone, like driving over a bridge and landing on passing boat.

So why can't the governments just stay out of it except for the above mentioned points?

Well I have been called,,,,

The other day I was told in a couple of emails I was an " Ass " as well as " You must not be well-because if you were well and right in the head " plus " You are clueless ", well I might go along with being an Ass, but being not well or clueless??

A friend of O/ours before the breakup and hopefully afterwards once pulled me aside and said that I shouldn't get involved with any of morningstar's vanilla family and I told him nahhh I could handle it without any problems, well guess what?? HE WAS RIGHT ! Oh they claimed they understood what O/our lifestyle was all about, but deep down I don't ever think they did and that is fine since I don't think everyone in this cruel world has to understand or accept the BDSM lifestyle. Deep down the more I became stronger to their Mom ( at her wishes ) the more they didn't like it ( now I am sure I carried those wishes out at the wrong times ), but never had the guts to say anything directly to me at least ( claimed they wrote lots of emails but never sent them so to my mind of thinking same damn thing as not saying anything! ) and what I understand nothing to their Mom either. I hate it when someone doesn't like something and won't say anything about it, but will keep it inside!!

Well, at this stage of the game, they are now out of my life and I have dealt with that, but here is some advise to any future Doms and submissives that wish to learn from others mistakes:

DON'T MIX VANILLA AND BDSM FAMILIES !!

I feel like an Ogre

I am feeling like an Ogre with all of morningstar's friends saying it is a shame she has be alone while she is so sick.

It is my fault she is so sick and so alone, well in my mind that is true, if I hadn't been such a Fuc*ng Ogre by leaving her and everything else I did to her she would be fine and not sick or alone.

No title

Enough is enough......

I have decided based in morningstar's latest blog that I now clear out permanently since I have done nothing but hurt her, something I knew would happen to a point, as all breakups do, but I have seemed to have stepped over the lines of hurt something she never deserved for one moment more than the normal situation should have been.

To all her friends, and she has tons of them, take care of her make sure she stays well and happy!!

For the last time littleone, I am so sorry for ALL the pain, humiliation and everything else I have done to you, I never deserved such a lovely fairy like you!!

The Death of an old friend....

It would seem that My old friend Don has to be killed off since it would seem He is no longer needed....

Farewell Old Friend.....

Decision.....

I am sitting here and have been since I read about the latest problem morningstar wrote about in her blog today and deciding what I should do.... Read it first before you go on reading this blog..

Now that you have read hers here is what is going through My mind:

1) Do I email her and say I am sad to hear what has happened?
2) Do I just walk away and say and do nothing?
3) Do I blow my gasket and yell at her employers?

All of these options are good ones and at the same time they are the worst ones too...

This reminds Me of a song " I am Reviewing the Situation " from the Musical " Oliver " by Lionel Bart.

I think I will review the situation again...

Dreams....

This is how I am feeling....

Pondering

Was I that bad a Sir??, if so, I should be shot and be drummed out of the BDSM world for good.

In Flight....

My final thoughts and words.....

It has been pointed out to me that I have " humiliated, hurt beyond words, broke her trust " morningstar well that never was my intention ever!!

I am sorry, so very sorry for all these actions.

This matter is now closed, forever.

It would seem, no turning back....

I thought it was going to be hard for morningstar to get over this breakup ( after I had posted THAT ad ) that she started the ball rolling by asking for time to think, then changing her status to the BDSM community without a word to me first.

But it seems she has gotten over things or least is moving on fast and you know something I am happy for her and her family ( they haven't talked to me since that night ) to know they are going to do well without me. I am sad about the family although but I do understand 100% their actions.

The only thing I don't understand is this she wrote:

" Last night a couple of friends whom i respect deeply (and am so proud to be able to call them "friend") asked me a tough question. They explained that the relationship (mine specifically) was like a V. When we were together it was the point of the V ...... very close......... and they felt i was slowly moving up the V but i hadn't moved all that far....... and they asked...... "did i want to go back down the V to the point again" (ok that was very wordy and a bit convoluted - but i hope you get the gist of the conversation) " what is " V ", is it her former lover, is it vanilla lifestyle, I just don't know ??

In any case, I am happy, like I said before, she is moving on " .... in cleaning out all the cobwebs before moving forward.. or even AS i move forward."

Have a good life morningstar....

My thanks....

To everyone that has left a comment or two on Mine and morningstar's blogs I wish to thank you so much.

Those that have supported morningstar in her time of sadness I wish to thank you deeply as I know she was/is going to have a hard time, although it looks like she has a good handle on things, even planning trips in the near future.

Thanks again everyone.

Warren

ps: if anyone knows someone locally that wishes BDSM equipment drop Me a line.

Poof 9 years gone.....

9 years gone up in smoke and even though I know what happened, I still don't know what the hell happened all I know is my life as I knew it has now changed and I would think knot for the better.

Last week, the sh*t hit the fan, I am not going into the details like morningstar said in her blog " washing the dirty laundry " isn't the correct thing to do. She handed back My collar.

Although I know I screwed up, yet now I am scared that things are going to downhill from now on and as much as I do control things, somethings just aren't controllable.

I wish all the best to a person that didn't deserve having someone like me in her lifetime, may her next Master serve her better ( also mark her the way she always wanted, but I could never do ) than I did as she had served me over the past almost 9 years.

Poof, I am gone....

There are trains and then there are trains...

If you didn't already know I am into model trains as well as BDSM, what you might not know is My littleone also enjoys them.

A couple of birthdays ago littleone gave Me a HO starter set, well that lead to U/us installing it over at her condo since at the time I didn't have space over at My location. W/we placed it in the small BDSM basement room since it was not really being used :-( So a 4x8 plywood sheet was purchased and the layout started beside her treadmill, a tight but usable area.

Over the past couple of years the two pieces of equipment were really getting to be a pain and since the Grandchildren are now using the basement it was time to rethink the whole train thing. I now have the space for the layout and just needed to figure out how to get the layout out of the Condo without any damage.

Now, I am of the "old school " of train scales that being HO, littleone on the other hand enjoys the reverse, N scale. A couple weeks ago, W/we sat down and talked about the trains and she really said that I hadn't trained her how to use the DCC ( Digital Command Control ) train system and she was correct as I thought she had lost interest in the trains, but rather the fact that I hadn't finished doing the track work and the other things got in the way so the training fell between the rails. In short, she said she wanted to start a new N scale and I thought this is great news as it would solve the problem of getting the old layout out of the Condo. When I purchased the plywood for the layout I was forced to cut the 4x8 sheet into two pieces then hinge them back into place, now I could just dismantle the layout and unhinge the plywood thus it would be a perfect size for littleone's new N scale.

Now, what has that could to do with the title of this blog? well there are trains and then there are trains, and littleone found out right after O/our talk and plans of the " other " trains as you can see by the picture below.




One really has to LOVE trains in any form :-))