Fed up

Well I need to say this and it isn't any need to respond to what I say.....

I am fed up of being politically correct.


I am fed up of having to fight for things that shouldn't have to be fought for.


I am fed up of always having to be nice.


I am fed up with pleasing everyone.


I am fed up with seniors trying to do something they will never get the hang off. ie: computers


I am fed up knot being able to do things that I should be able to.


I am fed up with life.


I am fed up with Governments that waste tax payers money, but expect me to pay $27,000.00 in taxes for something I haven't sold but they say I have even though they know I haven't.


I am fed up with knot being able to get a hard on because I am scared to try my Viagra again, even though I not longer care if I die or not.


I am fed up with knot being able to the Dom that I should be.


I am fed up with making people cry.


I am fed up with knot being able to clear out my house of all the junk or sell what I can.


I am fed up with worrying about my old age without a pension, because I screwed up when I was younger.


I am fed up knot being able to talk to a Professional about these things.


So now that you have heard me bitch out loud just go on with your life's like I never said anything or had been here.

A reply to morningstar's blog....

This morning morningstar posted a blog about waiting for my feedback to her question about my feelings regarding us, well I sent her an email back about it but I felt that I should post my reply so her readers could continue with her " Adventurous Journey " so here it is:

My Little me....

I do hope that I can answer this email without screwing up the words, since you know I can do that very easily....

I don't know what questions you think I have in my mind. The only thing in my mind is how can I figure out what I am looking for/what out in our relationship from your " new " change of being if you are still mapping it out in your mind. I do know until you have figured out things clearly in your mind I can't nor able to figure out if our relationship will work out to your thinking.

I do however know that I don't want you ever to stop being a friend, no, a good friend! The thought you not being my friend upsets me alot and did when we parted before.

I am sure this isn't the answer you were looking for but at this time and place it is the only one...

your Big Me....

ps: I think I am going to cut and paste this to My blog...

morningstar's medical update continued.....

Back to the drawing board.... things didn't work out :-((

morningstar's medical update continued.....

Well another day down and no further ahead... morningstar had a test ( I won't mention what one ) this morning that didn't work so tomorrow the Medical folk are going to try it again but using something stronger, if that fails well, I am not sure what will be left... Just to let you all know I am being REAL good about some of the jokes I could use right now...

On the good side her spirits are much better ( even her hunky looking surgeon says so ) since she has been allowed to go out and have a cig or two. she has her computer now but no internet connection so at least she can play her games. she is having troubles with the hospital food though, although the dietitians are visiting her daily to find something she likes and her body will accept...

That is all for now...

morningstar's medical update continued.....

Well, I have just arrived back from visiting morningstar and the visited started off in tears since in the past couple of days the Medical folks have been telling her " she has something, she doesn't have something ".... All this did for her was have her stomach in knots and knot the good kind!

During our visit one of her Medical folk ( a senior Doctor ) dropped in and without dawning a yellow protective gown he headed for the bottom of her bed and started off by saying she didn't have C-Dificle , but did have a thing I can't say much less spell. The bottom line was she is going to be ok ( unless another Medical folk says something else ) even though he felt she should stay in the hospital for maybe another 10 days to get more drugs and a follow up CT scan.

So, what do you think morningstar did when he left the room after saying she could go anywhere in the hospital she wanted, yes you guessed it, out for a smoke and here is the picture I took while she was enjoying the first cigarette in four days at -10c....



All in all this was a good visit, don't you think? More to come next week ( the Medical folk are off on weekends...

morningstar's medical update

Hi everyone,

morningstar's is still in the hospital getting more tests and and drugs to help her get her strength back and fight off the nasty things that are making her sick.

The surgeon talked to her this morning and they have found something that could be several things but need to do more tests before they narrow down what it really is. she is a bit down ( something I do understand ) but I have told her to hang in there until ALL the tests are in before she starts worrying.

I didn't stay long because between the tests and the doctor's news morningstar wanted to be alone ( she is never really alone ) to think things out and rest up from those tests nasty side effects...

That is all I know for the moment...

" It's Time " update......Update....

Hi all,

It is now almost 1am and I am just getting to this as I left the hospital at 11:00 and needed to do a few things first...

morningstar has now had her operation and it looks like a 100% successful even with her low blood pressure right after her surgery. She must be on the mend as she was refusing the nurses wishes of using a bedpan versus the walk-in toilet....

I will know tomorrow morning if I will be bringing her home tomorrow to start her recovery..

That is it right now.... I am sure tomorrow afternoon or evening you will be hearing from morningstar once again....

" It's Time " update......

This morning, morningstar posted on her blog about her fight with her gall bladder, well the short of it right now is the following:

After spending 12 hours in ER before she was officially admitted to her hospital room. W/we met with her surgeon and he wants to run a couple of tests tomorrow morning to double check something then he will decide when the operation will take place, but I do believe it will no longer be done on Feb 14th but rather my guess is Wednesday morning or late Tuesday.

Sorry it isn't much news but at least morningstar is in the hospital now and resting ( she was when I left and hope she still is )....

I will let you know more when I/W/we know more.

Mojo.....

I had a strange feeling ( something rare ) this weekend while we attended the SNOW BALL! New Years Eve Gala at Breathless, when I started up on morningstar's sparkly bod I just couldn't get my act together.

It didn't matter what toy I placed in My hand it just didn't feel right. For some reason the toys that I first started up with just didn't feel right, something I have never felt before and really don't understand why I should have felt that way. Oh, I was as happy as any " Dom/Master/Sir " could be with the thought that a pain slut bottom was going to allow/want/need My limited ability to send her to a place that would make her very happy and content...

Fortunately for both of us, this feeling passed fairly quickly and I do hope that I was able to make sure that morningstar had a good start to 2011.

I am just hoping that I am knot losing my mojo?? Any other Dom/Master/Sir ever had this feeling too?


ps: Happy New Year to all....

Presents Galore continued...

morningstar really said it all about this past weekend together but I thought you should see some of the results of it... I was a blast walking through the mall holding her hand, my arm around her shoulder :-))

Oh, if you can't see it the darn Xmas " dolls " are still knot sticking to the windows even though I washed the window and stickers :-(

Checking In....

Hi follow B/bloggers,

I just thought I would check in here for a couple of words, since words unusually get Me into trouble.

First off, my Mother passed away, so I have been busy trying to screw the government before they screw Me, so far not doing too well on that one :-(( I really wonder who should be in jail the crooks or the Revenue Department??

Next off, is morningstar and I are back as friends and are working step by step to move forward with a new BDSM relationship. I just hope that this old dog can learn new tricks.

Thanks to everyone that hung in with Me over the past months, I really appreciate it.

A Sad Anniversary

Today would have been O/our 10th Anniversary !!

Sadly, I blew it and forgot to over the last few years of O/our togetherness to connect with morningstar with more than just actions of love, being there when you were hurting, but WITH LOVE!!

I know morningstar isn't or will except these words but I am sorry,

sorry that I didn't show you enough the love that was always in My heart
didn't say enough that I loved you
didn't hold you close enough to Me

Now, I have nothing but loving fond memories of a love that has come and gone, gone, gone.....

Happy Anniversary to a former friend and partner, morningstar, you will be missed :-(


ps: There is no place for comments because I am tired of people telling Me to move on, well I have but I am allowed to have My memories of a lady that I thought would be there for the rest of My life.

I don't get something.....

I know I am stupid so no one has to tell me this once again.....

Today I commented ( she has removed my comments ) to morningstar on her blog with all honesty and got the following email back " Yes you did .. and you know you did....... but it won’t happen again.. trust me " I am sadden she thinks I have only bad towards her. Now maybe it was because of blog comments we exchanged yesterday regarding her " Leather Family " she is now in.

Honestly I was confused with some of her replies, since what I had read was no one controlled anyone else in a " Leather Family " yet she is telling me she wouldn't place it on FetLife that she is her two Sir's family until her two Sirs place it on theirs, now to me and my stupid thinking she should be proud she is in that family and doesn't need any ones permission to tell people, I just don't get it....

So, I am sadden that morningstar doesn't/won't believe when I say I wasn't trying to embarrass or get under her skin, but I WASN'T but rather confused with her conflicting statements. So yet again we have crossed swords even though that was NEVER my intentions at anytime.

Sadly on my part, I am sure, I will totally back off on making ANYMORE comments/thoughts/good wishes/sadness/observations or anything else that morningstar says or writes. I will no longer attend any BDSM event/party or anything else where she is attending so I can't say/do anything that will embarrass/interfere/humiliate or anything else her. I do hope I will run into my friends at other places.

This way she doesn't have to think I did it on purpose when actually I was confused or caring about something.

You must remember this.....

This was a great movie, it was a shame that Rick lost....

Love is blind....

I want to say how sorry I am to S***la for being the lousy boyfriend that I was to her. I took her for granted and thought she would always be there.

I forgot to do the things a boyfriend is should, suppose to & want to do.

" They " are truly correct when they say love is blind, because I sure was!!

So, to S***la I say for all to hear but especially to you I am VERY SORRY for all the pain I have caused you not only since the break-up but long, long before when I should have known better!! I may have not shown it to you but I loved you always.

May your next boyfriend treat you so much better and hold & kiss you daily, hourly and every other chance he gets.


ps: If there was only a real time machine, so I could correct things.

Dear life....

Wondering??

I wonder why people/bloggers leave comments on other blogs and then never seem to go back to check if the person they have left their comments to has answered their comments??

Some will, some won't....

My memories will only die when I do, unlike others that threw them out in the trash bin....

An admission of being a phony....

NOW before everyone goes nuts, I am NOT blaming morningstar in any way shape or form GOT IT !!!!

I have to be honest with the BDSM world and myself, I have been a phony Sir/Master for the past 10 years after reading morningstar's past few blogs...

When reading the blogs I have noticed that I was unable to obtain the level of pain, marks and other things that her S&S Masters are achieving with her and that is wonderful for her!

But it makes me think that I was a phony big time by calling/acting like a Sir/Master that I couldn't even do the most simplest of BDSM functions, like ice playing with her, like marking her, like making her take the breast beatings that she is now accepting from them never from me and many more things I am sure of.

So to the BDSM world that I knew and loved and to morningstar, I am so very sorry that I called myself a Sir/Master or even thought I could be a Sir/Master.

I don't want or look for any forgiveness, because I don't deserve any for my past actions of being a BDSM phony.

The only honorable thing to do is to leave once all the paperwork is done and hopefully that will be finished by the end of next month since I only meet with the Notary ( Lawyer ) on the 15th.

Something I have learnt about myself....

Something I will be fixing real soon, then everyone will be happy...