Some times gifts are not always fun for the giver.....

Last Feb for St. Valentine's Day My littleone gave Me what she thought was going to be a fun gift for her, a set of heart shaped clothes pegs, only problem was these weren't really clothes pegs butt more alligator clips....

Well, I thought this was lovely and decided that for every holiday that littleone go out to O/our Dollar store and get a set of clothes pegs/clips for that holiday... Since W/we have been a tad busy for the past weekends I haven't had the time to really use the past holidays set, so on Friday night ( a mellow out BDSM night ) I decided to get them out and use them and here are the results....

So, when IS the next holiday??? :-))

This is how evil I am.....

You Are 60% Evil

You are evil, but you haven't yet mastered the dark side. Fear not though - you are on your way to world domination.

How Evil Are You?

How evil are you?

Here is a sample of how evil I can be early in the morning....

Damn I did it again ;-((

Once again I have returned home leaving littleone upset, frustrated and crying..... I am publicly writing this instead of writing/talking to littleone directly for in My mind I want littleone to know that I do care and I am just as upset as she is with My actions or lack of them...

I was planning to have a session this morning with her after the vanilla side of the weekend was over, but when I woke up this morning both My mind and body just weren't into ANYTHING and I really don't know why. Oh this feeling has come over Me over the 50+ years I have lived on this planet and I suppose it is a some form of depression ( that I have had before ).

All that is in My mind right now is:

I am Sorry,
I Screwed up once again,
the more I tried to fix things the more I fail, the more I fail littleone

and her quest to find the " right " Dom/Master/Sir that can give her all the BDSM lifestyle she wants and needs.

It hurts Me that I don't seem to have " Right Stuff " to satisfy littleone's lust for a 24/7 lifestyle. Over those 50+ years I have knot only let her down but I have failed others that have placed their trust in Me, but the one I have failed the worst is Me, My ability to make something of Me that My ancestors would have been proud of....

Like I posted before littleone/morningstar is Number 1 and deserves more that I can give her as she is

one hell of a slave....

Playing Second Fiddle????

littleone is feeling like she is a second fiddle because of school people, family and Me and she is sad, in tears at My feet and I really don't have the answers that I need to give her....

First off, the school people ARE treating her like a second fiddle and I am really thinking of going to her boss and telling him to smarten up along with his staff or I will tell/order her to go on LTD again... Of course this isn't really going to help her as the salary will be cut too much to live the way she is now ( and she isn't living high on the hog either )...

Family, well I am letting this one pass, at least for the moment.....

In My mind I am feeling like I am walking a tightrope, caught between a rock and hard place. I tried to explain this to littleone but I only succeeded in making her cry ( and knot the happy crying ).


The one thing I want littleone and everyone else to know in MY books she is:

Space to let ????

I have just come back to home after spending a lovely weekend with My littleone. W/we got in a bit of needling in on Friday, a good ( in My opinion ) flogging and cropping Saturday afternoon before we headed off to have supper and good conversation with some American friends and local ones too...

The only one thing that got to Me was something littleone said today while I was working on My model trains ( oh, I have told you lately about it and the great work littleone is doing on the scenery ). W/we were in the train room ( formerly the small BDSM playroom and treadmill ) littleone was pointing out that she had trouble getting into the closet that holds all her holiday nic nacks and mostly the treadmill because since the train table been brought in from the den/reading room upstairs ( the room I wanted ) it had forced the treadmill to go across the doors of the closet. I agreed and suggested that I move the shelving units on the wall to the opposite side wall of the room and then the doors and treadmill would be easier to get to, maybe not as good as if the trains weren't there but it was a start. littleone made an off the cuff remark that it wasn't her room anymore and I could do wanted I wanted. That brought back something to Me that littleone had said when I first collared her and that was everything she owned would was and would be Mine. Now, I never really took that statement to action, but I did take it to heart and now I was being told that " Her " rooms weren't hers anymore and in her actions and most likely in her heart too she meant it.

So, now I am feeling like I or at least My trains are no longer wanted by her, but rather unwanted guests in Her condo. I don't wish/want her condo or anything else that is hers ( since she has worked hard to get those things ) but at least in My mind ( and yes, I have made mistakes before by speaking My thoughts ) I should be able to chose any room I wish or want to. Now, since I am known as a GOS I have to say in littleone's defence about the den/reading room it was set up for her late Aunt Olive that she adored and it was the Aunt's whenever She showed up and it is the last remembrances of Her and I honestly didn't mind moving downstairs since I never met littleone's Aunt but from what I have heard I TOO would have adored Aunt Olive.

Well, that is want is on My mind tonight and I am sure it is going to bring tears and sadness to My littleone, but I am always telling her to be honest and don't lie, well I think I should do the same, don't you agree??

ps: Here is the lastest picture of the train layout, remember it is STILL a work in process and things have to be changed and cleaned up so don't look too close ....

Be careful when you ask something....

My littleone did just that, asked Me why I had her St. Valentine's day present in My backpack instead of downstairs in the " Playroom ". I think she was thinking that I had taken them home so I could use them on some other subbie....

Well the answer was simple, I had placed them in My backpack several weeks ago when I was packing up and just never took them out, didn't really need to they were safe there....

Of course, by her asking the question I told her she should remove them from the bag and bring them to Me so I could place them on her, you should have seen her face LMAO.....

Needless to say I did enjoy placing them on her tits, butt unfortunately I didn't take a self-portait but I did take some pics of this action and have placed them below....














Then littleone thought it was finished once I took off the clips from her tender boobs, but you can see clearly she did love them as her nipples were standing straight out, butt littleone was so wrong this time... I mentioned that W/we should see how the clips worked on her ass and once again you should have been there to see her face just " light-up " with that statement....

So once again I take the pleasure of showing you the results of My first attempt ( butt I assure you knot the last )....


















I DO love it when littleone does ask some questions especially when I am trying to think of something BDSM to do to her :-))

Well it's been awhile and lots of things have changed....

Well first let Me say to all of littleone's friends that were here for her when I left for My " hiatus " and the support you all gave her, THANKS.....

W/we have talked over things and straightened out a few things and a NEW set of protocols have been agreed to, so that W/we are going to see if they will work better and that way what W/we had stays and only gets stronger...

Now as fate would have it, the Gods have seen fit to drive U/us nuts again though.... Over the past week littleone has been off work fighting what the first set of Doctors claimed was a 5 day Flu, well the the second set of Doctors have now found out that littleone has pneumonia and has been given some badly needed meds and told to stay off work for another 48 hours, of course littleone is going nuts because it is tax receipt time and she believes that SHE is the ONLY one that can do them, well she is only partly correct, she is the ONLY one that can do them CORRECTLY....

Saying all that W/we were only able to get to play a bit on the weekend, something littleone and I were looking forward to.... littleone wrote in her blog what she did when she purchased My St. Valentine's Day gift and here are some of the results, OHHHhh how I do love a slave that puts their own feet into their own mouths or in this case their pussies LOL......

It hurts now, but I hope no later....

I need to say something to My littleone ( but you can listen in too ), although I haven't finished thinking about what is happening with ME.

On Monday, I sent her along with some others stating that I was taking the next two weeks away from them, no e-mails, no Internet, no phone calls, no contact, although I knew it was going to upset some, hurt some, but especially littleone, but I felt then as I do today it was a smart move.

I know littleone is hurting, lost and beating herself up blaming herself for MY action, but it ISN'T all her fault even though things over the past few weeks have to pushed to the limit it ISN'T ALL HER FAULT!!!!

I need time to think about things, My things, our things. I realize that I am hurting her but if I don't do it now, I might be hurting her worse later, I just wish that I wasn't hurting her now. All I can hope for is she will let Me back in her door, but I sure wouldn't blame her if she didn't..

ps: I don't know why but blogger isn't let Me have new paragraphs

Words that need to be said.....

littleone,

I'm sorry

A cutting present.....

A wonderful BDSM Dom friend dropped in yesterday with his vanilla wife to have a Xmas brunch with U/us and to exchange both Xmas and birthday presents for Me. My birthday present from Him was a set of Japanese miniature swords the ones shown below to go along with littleone's 4th Anniversary presents to Me....






I am sure that His wife would have never had thought of why He gave them to Me, butt I knew why and last night so did littleone's ass and here is the results....



On behalf of Myself and morningstar thank you CLoud.....

Birthdays over Holiday time......

Over the years I have come to hate My birthdays, not so much for the fact that I am growing older and My body is starring to fail Me, but rather the fact that most birthday celebrations are combined with Christmas ( won't bore you with My thoughts about Xmas ) presents and parties.

Well this year was starting out the same way even though it wasn't going to be the fault of My subbie, morningstar. A couple of My long time friends called Me up and said they were going to take U/us out to any restaurant of My choice at their expense. Now My littleone had planned on cooking Me a birthday dinner of My favorites, roast beef, Yorkshire pudding, Parisian potatoes ( that was her choice ) veggies and a " special " desert. Personally I had been looking forward to going to a local steakhouse serving Angus beef, but because of location and cost I haven't been here yet, but when this offer came up I was super happy. Regardless to say I was sadden when My littleone wouldn't move her dinner to another day.

Well, I must say by the end of the evening I was happy that she hadn't backed down, she did a WONDERFUL dinner ( and btw she hates the smell of beef ) even those funny little potatoes were great to have, the desert was a bundt cake done with lemon a favor that I adore ( yes I know that is why I am such a sourpuss ). Well done littleone !!

Just before O/our guest arrived morningstar was pushing Me to open a birthday present that she had purchased. I was surprised that she had done that since I thought the dinner was to be My present.. After discussing if I should wait for My guests or to open it right then, it was decided the hell with the guests and get to it.... Well she did it again and surprised Me with a train set ( see pics below ) that I pointed out to her awhile back. Now it is a visit to a couple of hobby shops that I know of that have wonder train things, look out MasterCard it is going to be a hot time with your equipment











Mind you littleone is going to have to worry a bit when I get this train set up, as I am sure she has never thought it can be used for O/our BDSM lifestyle......

Sometimes the good things are never mentioned....

In today's daily journal ( free time allowed for her ) from My littleone she mentions:

" yet some days it feels that the only things You notice are the things i do wrong……… there comes a time that i feel that i only do things wrong.. i forget about some of the good things i do do..."

Well I thought I was doing a good job on that score, but I guess I was wrong and I wish to make things clear: Yes, she does things wrong but as submissives go she is a DAMN GOOD ONE, one that any other Dom/Domme would be happy to have her serve under THEM!

So here and now I am stating that I am most PROUD of My littleone, My chattel, My submissive and I will put her up with any other submissive, anytime....

How does one????

How does a Dom not " break " His subbie of her spirit?

Now let Me explain or try to that question a bit and yes Cloud I know I am going to get myself in trouble... When a submissive voices verbally or facially her disapproval of something the Dom has done or said the normal reaction is to punish her, but that will cause her to feel upset, pissed off or other emotions that I can't express properly. Here is an example, the other day I moved some BDSM storage furniture around in the same room, but didn't tell My littleone, although she did know I was moving furniture around, when it came time for her to clean up after W/we had played she gave Me hell for moving the storage box without telling her where I had moved it to... Now to be fair I don't live at the Condo 24/7 but rather on weekends only thus she has to live in the Condo the other times and it may not suit her way of living when I am not with her, but does that really matter?

I have always thought ( rightly or wrongly ) that a Dom's wishes, desires, commands and decisions are basically final and unless there is a safety issue the submissive must accept it quietly and without any facial expression comments.

I am afraid if I punish her for these acts of ( what would one call it, defiance?) she will become silent all the time which is something I don't wish....

Is it getting colder around here??

I arrived at condo last Friday night and was greeted with what are you doing here? why are you here? When did I have to announce My comings and goings?

Then tonight when I ordered littleone downstairs for a session because I had been on the road almost all day and to reward her for going shopping to several large and crowed stores ( she hates shopping ) I was met with it is too cold down there and I should have turned on the heat for an hour before. I wonder if the cold is from the weather outside or the temperature inside.

Maybe I have just slipped back to being GOS ( Good Old Sir ) from the Bastard I should be? Is it that I am never going to get the hang of what a submissive truly wants, needs, can handle? Maybe it is time to turn in My tools of pleasure and fade into the land of old Doms? Maybe it is time to become a true Bastard and just do what I want, when I want and be damned what anyone is thinking, feeling or caring?

Brrrrrrrr..... It's cold inside

Sometimes I just don't understand her.....

This weekend I was forced to take strong measures when My littleone, morningstar, failed to follow a task that was set down for her. She wanted tasks then goes and forgets to do them....

She has written about the punishment in her blog and also showed the results of the punishment, but she couldn't show you how she got there, so I am going to but before I do that I don't understand something that happened during her punishment. She started to cry, not from any physical pain but rather from " failing " her punishment ( those are her words/thoughts ). However she did do her punishment, so why the tears??

Oh well here are some of the pictures I promised you.....

A question has been asked....

My last blog raised a comment/question from SeaRabbit:

"I would like to ask you a question about the 'letting slip the D/s too much'...I noticed in many blogs that it is often the Dom that seems to have that kind of 'problem'... I know in your case, you have been sick and that doesn't help.... but what else could causes that kind of disinterest? "

I am honoured that SeaRabbit has asked Me to discuss this issue, although I am no expert on this subject but from time to time I have lived through it and most likely will go through it more over what time I have left on this earth ( no littleone, I am KNOT leaving yet ).
Of course one of the main reasons is medical and the list is too long to list, but a couple are Depression, ED and Stress just to mention.....

The next reason I have found is when a subbie has been pushing buttons and the Dom has decided to let them go hoping the subbie will get the point but then he says/thinks enough is enough and punishment or retraining is required but this can take awhile....

Another reason the Dom feels that His actions are knot " turning on " His sub so He thinks something is wrong, but is too " male " to find out what she is thinking about this, so He decides why do anything more other than a flogging or two.....

Sometimes He aftering seeing another Dom and sub couple doing things He has wanted to do, but it is a hard limit to Him or to His sub and wonders if it will ever happen or can ever happen.....

A simple answer is, He is just tried of being the Master and needs a break if the D/s is more of a game then a true 24/7 lifestyle.

I am sure there are more reasons SeaRabbit and I would be happy if other Doms would leave Me comments as I feel that D/s is no game but I do realise that it is a very hard thing to live daily.

The most important thing I can say at this point If there is a problem then talk it over with each other until you both are happy SeaRabbit but you have O/our email addresses do drop U/us a line and if you Master wishes to contact Me tell Him He is most welcome....

Things have been discussed....

Tonight was the first night that I have been with littleone and after supper I thought it was time to use one of the new toys I purchased while I was at the weekend camp. I was warned by Master Calvin to take it easy the first time with the white Teflon paddle and he was correct! As you can see by the picture it marked littleone's ass with only a few medium strokes , finally I do think W/we have found the toy W/we have been looking for, THANKS CAL!!

After a sound but short paddling and some tears shed, I make littleone sit up and I told her if she ever had the heart shaped dog tag off again ( with the exception of our trilogy ) it would never go back on again, she got the point. I honestly hope I never see her with it off ever again as I would hate to follow through with My promise....

I also want to thank everyone that thoughtfully commented on My last blog, especially Master Calvin and His slave june I greatly appreciate very much.

Since that great weekend camp littleone has requested that W/we talk about taking O/our BDSM to the next level and I have agreed to sit down to negotiate this over this weekend. I know that the D/s must be on the top of the list, since I feel I have let it slip too much and has to be increased since I have been noticing littleone " steping in " where she should be more respectful ( ie: getting upset when I butt in while she is talking ).

How can a little thing mean so much????

For the past five days My littleone hasn't worn her heart shaped dog tag ( see above ) and it has Me pissed, upset and thinking....

I could and would accept the first day since she was heading out to the Doctor's office but since then she has knot worn it, even when I have pointed out to her it wasn't there... Even though her Doctor is a cool MD, W/we have decided to keep the BDSM side out of the office for now. I must say that I never thought of it ( until now ) but the tag can be turned around and show a blank side, so to the Non BDSM side can be hidden yet at the same time to her it maintains her ownership to Me ....

Now for part of the five days, W/we were away at a BDSM camp out of the country so she couldn't wear it since she left it behind at home. Now I am knot sure if she had worn it to the camp anyone would have noticed it on her or knot, but I noticed it was not on and at a BDSM event too....

I really don't know what to do? To Me this little tag ( btw, the words on it read: morningstar owned by Sir ) says it all, she is Mine until I release her or she dies.... Does this mean My littleone is tired of being collared, owned or just fed up with this old Dom that makes mistakes?? I really don't know as to Me there is NO reason for her not to wear this tag everywhere, as you can see it doesn't really show to the Vanilla world anything but a pink heart and she can tell anyone that asks it was a special meaning gift from her Boyfriend...

How can I punish her if she no longer wants to wear it and announce to the BDSM world that she is proudly owned? or what punishment would be correct if I did decided to punish her for this?

Honestly, I just don't know anymore. I know I don't give her as many sessions as she wants & desires. I know I can't give her the 24/7 D/s she wants.

I just don't know anymore......

Five Years and Counting....

Simply put ever since My littleone has allowed Me to be her Sir, with all the ups and downs that have happened, I wouldn't have miss one moment of her.......

I have learnt so much from My littleone I wouldn't be the Dom I am today, she has shown Me an inside of Me that I never know I had......

It is going to be a real pleasure and honor D/s ing, flogging, roping My littleone for the next five years......

Sir

I was waiting......

Sorry to you return readers of this blog that I haven't posted sooner

I haven't been writing for a couple of reasons, the first was I was waiting for more folks to take up the Chopstick Challenge and the second reason is the time has just gotten away from Me...

Over the past month I have lost a good and dear friend of over 35 years, another dear friend has been moved to a Medical Old Folks home at 93 years and she is having a hard time adjusting and then there is My Mother's medical needs too...

I haven't been the best of Sir's though, I haven't always been there for My littleone when she needs My attention although I have tried to set up a couple of daily tasks for her craving of a 24/7 BDSM life and I have given her a couple good sessions that I will add some pics later to this blog, but I left the camera at the Condo and W/we are off to visit littleone's Brother's vacation cottage so I will only get to post them later next week....

So talk to you soon....

Here are the pics I promised you...