Presents Galore continued...

morningstar really said it all about this past weekend together but I thought you should see some of the results of it... I was a blast walking through the mall holding her hand, my arm around her shoulder :-))

Oh, if you can't see it the darn Xmas " dolls " are still knot sticking to the windows even though I washed the window and stickers :-(

Checking In....

Hi follow B/bloggers,

I just thought I would check in here for a couple of words, since words unusually get Me into trouble.

First off, my Mother passed away, so I have been busy trying to screw the government before they screw Me, so far not doing too well on that one :-(( I really wonder who should be in jail the crooks or the Revenue Department??

Next off, is morningstar and I are back as friends and are working step by step to move forward with a new BDSM relationship. I just hope that this old dog can learn new tricks.

Thanks to everyone that hung in with Me over the past months, I really appreciate it.

A Sad Anniversary

Today would have been O/our 10th Anniversary !!

Sadly, I blew it and forgot to over the last few years of O/our togetherness to connect with morningstar with more than just actions of love, being there when you were hurting, but WITH LOVE!!

I know morningstar isn't or will except these words but I am sorry,

sorry that I didn't show you enough the love that was always in My heart
didn't say enough that I loved you
didn't hold you close enough to Me

Now, I have nothing but loving fond memories of a love that has come and gone, gone, gone.....

Happy Anniversary to a former friend and partner, morningstar, you will be missed :-(


ps: There is no place for comments because I am tired of people telling Me to move on, well I have but I am allowed to have My memories of a lady that I thought would be there for the rest of My life.

I don't get something.....

I know I am stupid so no one has to tell me this once again.....

Today I commented ( she has removed my comments ) to morningstar on her blog with all honesty and got the following email back " Yes you did .. and you know you did....... but it won’t happen again.. trust me " I am sadden she thinks I have only bad towards her. Now maybe it was because of blog comments we exchanged yesterday regarding her " Leather Family " she is now in.

Honestly I was confused with some of her replies, since what I had read was no one controlled anyone else in a " Leather Family " yet she is telling me she wouldn't place it on FetLife that she is her two Sir's family until her two Sirs place it on theirs, now to me and my stupid thinking she should be proud she is in that family and doesn't need any ones permission to tell people, I just don't get it....

So, I am sadden that morningstar doesn't/won't believe when I say I wasn't trying to embarrass or get under her skin, but I WASN'T but rather confused with her conflicting statements. So yet again we have crossed swords even though that was NEVER my intentions at anytime.

Sadly on my part, I am sure, I will totally back off on making ANYMORE comments/thoughts/good wishes/sadness/observations or anything else that morningstar says or writes. I will no longer attend any BDSM event/party or anything else where she is attending so I can't say/do anything that will embarrass/interfere/humiliate or anything else her. I do hope I will run into my friends at other places.

This way she doesn't have to think I did it on purpose when actually I was confused or caring about something.

You must remember this.....

This was a great movie, it was a shame that Rick lost....

Love is blind....

I want to say how sorry I am to S***la for being the lousy boyfriend that I was to her. I took her for granted and thought she would always be there.

I forgot to do the things a boyfriend is should, suppose to & want to do.

" They " are truly correct when they say love is blind, because I sure was!!

So, to S***la I say for all to hear but especially to you I am VERY SORRY for all the pain I have caused you not only since the break-up but long, long before when I should have known better!! I may have not shown it to you but I loved you always.

May your next boyfriend treat you so much better and hold & kiss you daily, hourly and every other chance he gets.


ps: If there was only a real time machine, so I could correct things.

Dear life....

Wondering??

I wonder why people/bloggers leave comments on other blogs and then never seem to go back to check if the person they have left their comments to has answered their comments??

Some will, some won't....

My memories will only die when I do, unlike others that threw them out in the trash bin....

An admission of being a phony....

NOW before everyone goes nuts, I am NOT blaming morningstar in any way shape or form GOT IT !!!!

I have to be honest with the BDSM world and myself, I have been a phony Sir/Master for the past 10 years after reading morningstar's past few blogs...

When reading the blogs I have noticed that I was unable to obtain the level of pain, marks and other things that her S&S Masters are achieving with her and that is wonderful for her!

But it makes me think that I was a phony big time by calling/acting like a Sir/Master that I couldn't even do the most simplest of BDSM functions, like ice playing with her, like marking her, like making her take the breast beatings that she is now accepting from them never from me and many more things I am sure of.

So to the BDSM world that I knew and loved and to morningstar, I am so very sorry that I called myself a Sir/Master or even thought I could be a Sir/Master.

I don't want or look for any forgiveness, because I don't deserve any for my past actions of being a BDSM phony.

The only honorable thing to do is to leave once all the paperwork is done and hopefully that will be finished by the end of next month since I only meet with the Notary ( Lawyer ) on the 15th.

Something I have learnt about myself....

Something I will be fixing real soon, then everyone will be happy...

Taking things for granted.....

Everyone is needed, wanted, loved......

Sometimes we forget or take it for granted:

To say to them,
To hold them,
To love them,
To spoil them,
to the people we should & must care for,

because just thinking our actions alone are enough to make/keep them happy

WELL IT ISN'T JUST
EVER ENOUGH TO THINK IT!!!!!

Don't EVER FORGOT IT
or
you WILL loss it !!!!!

I know, I did :-(( and I have paid the price dearly for forgetting that.....

It says it all.....

It saves your mind, that is if you had one.... something I don't think I ever had...

Reply to morningstar

Dear morningstar:

First off, I see you have used my real name which I have no problem with ( but I can see someone's hand in that one ), but I still have honor and will not use your real name in this response.

Now, let me say this up front about your family, I can only assume you are referring to the letters I sent out this past week to each of them saying how sorry and to apologize to each of them for putting them through the pain that I put them through in the past. I wasn't looking for them to reply, nor forgive me, but I needed to say how honestly sorry I was and had no intentions to ever contact them again. You can them it will not happen ever again, I just thought I owed it to them, guess I was wrong again.

As for you getting on with your " new " found BDSM lifestyle honestly I have accepted this and honestly it was nice the last time I saw you smiling, laughing. I felt it was awkward for us to be in the same room, so I decided then and there to not show up at anything you were attending to make it easier on you. Also, when one of your " play partners " wrote me and said I was " interferring in my playtime " that only confirmed my decision to stop attending events even those that I had been personally been invited to so I wouldn't be interfering with your " new " life and to let your " play partners " be able to attend to your needs since they seemed to be having troubles in that area.

As for comments, basically I did the same thing as attending places with some exceptions when you posted or commented something that was vanilla/BDSM, like " ...silly men... " and then I would respond back " what about silly women? ", comments that would be made by anyone but you decided to ban me and that was ok, since anyone can ban anyone for what ever reason they choose no matter how petty that decision is.

There are only two things that still bother me about this whole fucking breakup, but I don't think I will ever get the honest answers from you, so I move on. I am sorry thought that I ruined your life for the past 10 years.....

In conclusion, I feel that in your mind/feelings ( what ever word(s) you wish to use ) I am as good as dead, maybe that is what should have happened. You have asked me to " Please Warren - let it go for once and all " so unless you, your family or " play partners " respond/blog or email directly I WILL NOT BE CONTACTING YOU, I AM DEAD AS FAR AS I AM CONCERNED, hell who knows it just might happen anyways!!!!!


*** Note for those readers ( and you know you are ) of this blog that felt I should stop blogging about this breakup in public I just wanted to let you know I didn't start this one, but I needed to reply to morningstar and her small comment space won't have worked. ***


*** NOTE morningstar has since taken down her " Open Letter " blog that was the result of this reply blog ***

Moving on......

Well everyone is telling me to move on and I am going to but I just need to say why I have been hanging on, for lack of a good phase, and that is for statements made/said by " m " like this one:

" I am learning to be myself after many years of being who someone else wanted me to be..... "

I would like to know how I was trying to make someone into something else when she was the one that wanted the D/s lifestyle for the past ten years? So with statements like that make me sound like I am the big bad wolf I needed to be around....

But, I am going to move on in any case since it seems to me that I am never going to be able to protect my good name with statements like that one and others made/said by her.

Oh, and " m ", if you want the toys that you so freely gave when you told me to get ALL the BDSM things that you packed up out of the condo and then you asked back for, I will be more than willing to give them back to you when you give me back the TV that I left that you didn't want to trade for the almost same TV model with me and is that being petty YOUR DAM RIGHT, " sucks to be you " as someone we both know would say !

So I now move on, OH and yes, SirSteve01 you can now play with her without me " interferring in my playtime " as you put it yesterday !!!

Is everyone happy now???

Confused, of course she can change her mind, BUT??

Now, before anyone jumps on my case, I wish to state this up front: I wish all the best to " m "and that this isn't meant to hurt her in anyway, GOT IT !!!

I hear through the grapevine that " m " is doing things now that we did a long ago in our relationship, but she didn't want them even going as far as saying they were to be placed on her Hard Limit list, yet now she is doing them and is happy about doing them.....

I JUST DON'T GET IT, was it me as a Lover, as Sir, as a person>>> what before was a Hard Limit is now something she loves?????

I just don't get it and maybe I not suppose to, ever in my lifetime :-((

Here she goes again....

Well once again morningstar, is having a temper tantrum because I had the guts to comment on a comment she had left on FetLife about silly men. I said what about women?? and you guessed it SHE DROPPED ME AS A FRIEND ONCE AGAIN !! she also blocked me from Fetlife, Blogger and Facebook, so I can't read anything she writes, but I won't go to that low level and I will allow her to read anything I write..

So be it, if she wants to act like a 2 year old in her new " Adventurous Journey " life so be it like I said before I hope she has a WONDERFUL life acting like a 2 year old.

Oh, I am sorry to all those 2 years old that act better than that......

*** If you need to comment on this post, then email directly ***

I don't care, I am saying it any ways !!!

I know I shouldn't say anything, but I am going to any ways and if no one wants to believe me well, I don't give a Fuck !!!

I have sat back and said nothing for the past little while ( oh I did last week, but it was never posted ) regarding morningstar's ( for those who don't know, my former collared person ) new search for a better BDSM lifestyle and life in general, well today she blogged that she has found it.

Here is the part that you might not believe, but I don't care what you think, I AM SO VERY, VERY HAPPY FOR HER and it doesn't matter what happened in the past 10 years or who was right or wrong or anything else for that matter, she has FOUND her way and that is all that counts!!

WAY TO GO morningstar, have a WONDERFUL LIFE......

ps: see that " virus from hell " did some good for ya!

The Ottawa Workshop.....

Yesterday, I drove up to Ottawa ( My Nation's Capital, of the Great White North ) to Breathless, a BDSM center and much more, to attend a workshop on " D/s and welcome to the BDSM life " presented by Lord_Omy and his slave. He started off His presentation with a little story that I have placed below, it isn't too long, but I rather think you will enjoy as I can think of a couple of people for sure. As I sat there listening to Him read it, it started Me thinking about the past 10 years with morningstar and what O/our relationship had meant and what it had become.

He then went on to talk about what He called the " 4 Keys of BDSM", (1) Open and honest communications, (2) Trust (3) Respect (4) Consent, something I think I tried to follow, with a couple mistakes along the way.

It was a very good workshop and maybe someday you too will be lucky enough to hear Lord_Omy speak on this topic.

Now, here is that story I promised you...

*******************************************************
The Teacup - thoughts on submission

A couple vacationing in Europe went strolling down a little street and saw a quaint little shop with a beautiful teacup in the window. The lady collected teacups and she wanted this one for her collection, so she went inside to pick up the teacup and as the story goes the teacup spoke and said :
“ I want you to know that I have not always looked like this. It took the process of pain to bring me to this point. You see, there was a time when I was just clay and the Master came and he pounded me and he squeezed me and he kneaded me and I screamed: “ Stop that!”

But he just smiled and said, “ Not yet.”

Then he took me and put me on the shelf and I went round and round and round and round and while I was spining and getting dizzier and dizzier I screamed again and I said “ Please get me off this thing, please get me off!” And the Master was looking at me and he was smiling , as he said, “ Not yet.”

Then he took me and walked toward the oven and shut the door and turned up the heat and I could see him through the window of the oven and it was getting hotter and hotter and hotter and I thought, “ He’s going to burn me to death.”

And I started pounding on the inside and I said, “ Master, let me out, let me out!” I could see that he was smiling , as he said, “ Not yet.”

Then he opened the door and I was fresh and free and he took me out of the oven and he put me on the table and then he got some paint and a paintbrush. He stated dabbling on me and making swirls all over me and I started to gag and I said: “Master, stip it please, your making me gag.” He just smiled as he said, “Not yet.”

Then very gently he picked me up again and he stated walking towards the overn and I said, “ Master, no! Not again pleeeease!” He opened the over door and he slopped me inside and he shut the door and this time he turned the heat up twice as hot as before and I thought, “ He’s going to kill me!”

I looked throught the window of the oven and I started to pound saying, “ Master, Master, please let me out! Please let me out.” I could seee that he was smiling but I also noticed a tear trickle down his cheek as I watched him moutht he words, “ Not yet.”

Just as I thought I was about to die, the door opened and he reached in ever so gently and took me out, fresh and free, and he went and placed me on a high shelf and he said: “ There, I have created what I intended. Would you like to see yourself?”

I said, “ yes. “
He handed me a mirror and I looked and I looked again and I said, “ that’s not me. I’m just a lump of clay.”

He said, “ Yes, that is you, but it took the process of pain to brinf you to this place. Had I not worked you when you were clay, then you would have dried up. If I had not subjected you to the stress of the wheel you would have crumbled. If I had not out you into the heat of the oven you would have cracked. If I had not painted you there would be no color in your life. But, it was the second oven that gave you the strength to endure. Now you are everything I intedned you to be from the beginning.”

And I, the teacup, heard myself saying something I never thought I would hear myself saying, “ Master, forgive me! I did not trust you. I thought you were going to harm me. I did not know you had a glorious future and a hope for me. I was too shortsighted, but I want to thank you. I want to thank you for the suffering. I want to thank you for the process of pain. Here I am! I give you myself. Fill me, pour from me, use me as you see fit. I really want to be a vessel that brings you glory within my life.”

- - Author Unknown

*************************************************

I hope you enjoyed the story as much as I did and got it's message.

Also, I just wanted to say My thanks to Miss Jenn for taking the time out of her always busy personal and business life to sit down and talk to Me. She is a WONDERFUL person, that I will always call My friend and if she ever calls on Me for a favor or assistance, I will be there in a shot.

Thanks Jenn, You taught Me to see things in a different light....

Something good has come out of this mess.....

I am so glad I helped a friend in their NEW life.

ADDENDUM:

I just got an email from the above friend and here is part of that email " ... I personally think you should expound on how you helped me get to where I am today. I would like that.. like to know how you see this transition.........

Go on .. I dare you !!!

Ok, I will take up this dare since it seems simply logical....

If I hadn't placed the ad requesting a bondage session for myself the whole mess wouldn't have started and thus my friend on her way to her new wonderful adventure and new thinking of her BDSM ways. Otherwise she would have come to me to talked about not enjoying the BDSM lifestyle ( or the Vanilla one too ) we were living before I place the ad.

I think this answers the dare she has placed in front of me...

In Memoriam

Morningstar & Warren

July 29, 2002 to April 30, 2010

" Morningstar was the best submissive I ever served then or ever again "

New Title.....

How can I still call it " Sir's " place when I no longer have a submissive, in MY eyes that would be false advertising..

So the truth is it is " Warren's " place...

There is nothing worse....

The words are in my mind, but when they are written down they don't convey the feelings that are in this old mind of mine....

Don't ya just hate that???

Darn, I could have had a .......

I could have had a submissive....
I could have had a loving lady....
I could have had a lifetime companion...
I could have had a friend....
I could have had sleepful nights...
I could have had fun times....
I could have had a step family...
I could have had grandsons...
I could have had a life...

but instead

I won't now because I did something very foolish, stupid ( use what ever words works here ) and one of the worst parts is I will never 100% understand why....

Before for that fateful day of March 8 2010 I had been talking to good friend about the fact something was going wrong with the relationship, but I couldn't for the life of me figure it out. Unfortunately for me my time ran out before I could figure it out or go to the next step and do something that every Master/submissive should always do, communicate, before the sh*t it the fan and it was over forever since I screwed that up too.

All I can say is I am so very, very sorry I hurt people and one person in particular that I loved so very much about. I wish I could take back all the hate I caused!

Well all this mess is my fault but I could have had, only if....

Here's a question to think about....

Why is it that governments and medical professionals won't let you leave this world when you have: no money, no sex, no partner, no career, no family, health problems, no life?

I can see them passing laws for non-professionals not to assist the person wishing to leave this world, since there could be abuse on that level, but other than that why do they force you to stick around to suffer?

I can see it if you are clinical depressed since you don't have full control of your mind.

I can see it if you are going to physically hurt someone, like driving over a bridge and landing on passing boat.

So why can't the governments just stay out of it except for the above mentioned points?

Well I have been called,,,,

The other day I was told in a couple of emails I was an " Ass " as well as " You must not be well-because if you were well and right in the head " plus " You are clueless ", well I might go along with being an Ass, but being not well or clueless??

A friend of O/ours before the breakup and hopefully afterwards once pulled me aside and said that I shouldn't get involved with any of morningstar's vanilla family and I told him nahhh I could handle it without any problems, well guess what?? HE WAS RIGHT ! Oh they claimed they understood what O/our lifestyle was all about, but deep down I don't ever think they did and that is fine since I don't think everyone in this cruel world has to understand or accept the BDSM lifestyle. Deep down the more I became stronger to their Mom ( at her wishes ) the more they didn't like it ( now I am sure I carried those wishes out at the wrong times ), but never had the guts to say anything directly to me at least ( claimed they wrote lots of emails but never sent them so to my mind of thinking same damn thing as not saying anything! ) and what I understand nothing to their Mom either. I hate it when someone doesn't like something and won't say anything about it, but will keep it inside!!

Well, at this stage of the game, they are now out of my life and I have dealt with that, but here is some advise to any future Doms and submissives that wish to learn from others mistakes:

DON'T MIX VANILLA AND BDSM FAMILIES !!

I feel like an Ogre

I am feeling like an Ogre with all of morningstar's friends saying it is a shame she has be alone while she is so sick.

It is my fault she is so sick and so alone, well in my mind that is true, if I hadn't been such a Fuc*ng Ogre by leaving her and everything else I did to her she would be fine and not sick or alone.

No title

Enough is enough......

I have decided based in morningstar's latest blog that I now clear out permanently since I have done nothing but hurt her, something I knew would happen to a point, as all breakups do, but I have seemed to have stepped over the lines of hurt something she never deserved for one moment more than the normal situation should have been.

To all her friends, and she has tons of them, take care of her make sure she stays well and happy!!

For the last time littleone, I am so sorry for ALL the pain, humiliation and everything else I have done to you, I never deserved such a lovely fairy like you!!

The Death of an old friend....

It would seem that My old friend Don has to be killed off since it would seem He is no longer needed....

Farewell Old Friend.....

Decision.....

I am sitting here and have been since I read about the latest problem morningstar wrote about in her blog today and deciding what I should do.... Read it first before you go on reading this blog..

Now that you have read hers here is what is going through My mind:

1) Do I email her and say I am sad to hear what has happened?
2) Do I just walk away and say and do nothing?
3) Do I blow my gasket and yell at her employers?

All of these options are good ones and at the same time they are the worst ones too...

This reminds Me of a song " I am Reviewing the Situation " from the Musical " Oliver " by Lionel Bart.

I think I will review the situation again...

Dreams....

This is how I am feeling....

Pondering

Was I that bad a Sir??, if so, I should be shot and be drummed out of the BDSM world for good.

In Flight....

My final thoughts and words.....

It has been pointed out to me that I have " humiliated, hurt beyond words, broke her trust " morningstar well that never was my intention ever!!

I am sorry, so very sorry for all these actions.

This matter is now closed, forever.

It would seem, no turning back....

I thought it was going to be hard for morningstar to get over this breakup ( after I had posted THAT ad ) that she started the ball rolling by asking for time to think, then changing her status to the BDSM community without a word to me first.

But it seems she has gotten over things or least is moving on fast and you know something I am happy for her and her family ( they haven't talked to me since that night ) to know they are going to do well without me. I am sad about the family although but I do understand 100% their actions.

The only thing I don't understand is this she wrote:

" Last night a couple of friends whom i respect deeply (and am so proud to be able to call them "friend") asked me a tough question. They explained that the relationship (mine specifically) was like a V. When we were together it was the point of the V ...... very close......... and they felt i was slowly moving up the V but i hadn't moved all that far....... and they asked...... "did i want to go back down the V to the point again" (ok that was very wordy and a bit convoluted - but i hope you get the gist of the conversation) " what is " V ", is it her former lover, is it vanilla lifestyle, I just don't know ??

In any case, I am happy, like I said before, she is moving on " .... in cleaning out all the cobwebs before moving forward.. or even AS i move forward."

Have a good life morningstar....

My thanks....

To everyone that has left a comment or two on Mine and morningstar's blogs I wish to thank you so much.

Those that have supported morningstar in her time of sadness I wish to thank you deeply as I know she was/is going to have a hard time, although it looks like she has a good handle on things, even planning trips in the near future.

Thanks again everyone.

Warren

ps: if anyone knows someone locally that wishes BDSM equipment drop Me a line.

Poof 9 years gone.....

9 years gone up in smoke and even though I know what happened, I still don't know what the hell happened all I know is my life as I knew it has now changed and I would think knot for the better.

Last week, the sh*t hit the fan, I am not going into the details like morningstar said in her blog " washing the dirty laundry " isn't the correct thing to do. She handed back My collar.

Although I know I screwed up, yet now I am scared that things are going to downhill from now on and as much as I do control things, somethings just aren't controllable.

I wish all the best to a person that didn't deserve having someone like me in her lifetime, may her next Master serve her better ( also mark her the way she always wanted, but I could never do ) than I did as she had served me over the past almost 9 years.

Poof, I am gone....

There are trains and then there are trains...

If you didn't already know I am into model trains as well as BDSM, what you might not know is My littleone also enjoys them.

A couple of birthdays ago littleone gave Me a HO starter set, well that lead to U/us installing it over at her condo since at the time I didn't have space over at My location. W/we placed it in the small BDSM basement room since it was not really being used :-( So a 4x8 plywood sheet was purchased and the layout started beside her treadmill, a tight but usable area.

Over the past couple of years the two pieces of equipment were really getting to be a pain and since the Grandchildren are now using the basement it was time to rethink the whole train thing. I now have the space for the layout and just needed to figure out how to get the layout out of the Condo without any damage.

Now, I am of the "old school " of train scales that being HO, littleone on the other hand enjoys the reverse, N scale. A couple weeks ago, W/we sat down and talked about the trains and she really said that I hadn't trained her how to use the DCC ( Digital Command Control ) train system and she was correct as I thought she had lost interest in the trains, but rather the fact that I hadn't finished doing the track work and the other things got in the way so the training fell between the rails. In short, she said she wanted to start a new N scale and I thought this is great news as it would solve the problem of getting the old layout out of the Condo. When I purchased the plywood for the layout I was forced to cut the 4x8 sheet into two pieces then hinge them back into place, now I could just dismantle the layout and unhinge the plywood thus it would be a perfect size for littleone's new N scale.

Now, what has that could to do with the title of this blog? well there are trains and then there are trains, and littleone found out right after O/our talk and plans of the " other " trains as you can see by the picture below.




One really has to LOVE trains in any form :-))

Doms are from Mars???

I have been thinking that Dr. Gray needs to write an updated version of this wonderful book, but for Doms and submissives...

Wondering....continued

Well, Florida Dom mentioned in My comment section of Wondering post "How red do you want her ass after you finish with hitting it?" here is some proof...





Oh, the paddle will be fixed....

Warren,
Owner of morningstar

Wondering....

I am wondering if I used the correct wording for her ( Mine ) ass??

What do you think?? I am thinking now it should have read " His Ass to hit here "...

Warren,
Owner of morningstar

Crossroads.....